Yellowcard - Ocean Avenue

We were both sixteen and it felt so right,
sleeping all day, staying up all night...

After a week of being psychologically screwed over (more so than usual), i've more or less come back down to earth. I've realised that some things just aren't worth stressing about and that stressing about them doesn't make them go away, it only makes them more difficult to cope with and deprives you of whatever joys life does hold. Anyway, thanks to the people to talked me through it and to the people who just dropped a message. It all helped.

Now that my life is back on track, i can get back to being my cynical self (*viewers groan*). First thing on the agenda is the shitted up state of my school at the moment. Not sure if i mentioned it in a previous post, but construction on the new library block was supposed to have been completed at the end of the first wekk back to school. A month later, guess what? It's still not finished. What this means is that volleyball (one of my past times) is still restricted to the crappy, un-mowed grass courts that were supposed to be temporary. In this instance, the school was not lying as the lines on the court have faded away and only a thin trace of mud remains as an outline adn even this is being overrrun by grass and weeds. I may have taken it incorrectly, but i assumed that when we were told we could have the court back at the end of week one, they meant end of week one THIS term. Turns out they meant week one some time about 40 years down the track.

Other issues? My whole life is a conglomeration of issues. My english major works is still remaining as a collection of haiku but what i failed to realise was that the word limit means that i will have to write in excess of 200 haiku to meet the criteria. Quite frankly, not even i'm bored enough to notice enough small things going on in the world to have enough topics for that many haiku. Instead, i've broadened my anthology to include other forms of Japanese poetry. The most important of these is the renga, which is basically a big fat string of haiku glued togeterh with each verse linking to the one before it. This will be about 80+ verses long and will be the centre piece of the anthology. Still searching for a topic that i could ramble on about poetically for such a long time.

School issues aside, religion has also been another major point of discussion/ridicule on this blog. Recently, one of my friends got a visit from one of those guys trying to persuade (*cough*con*cough*) him to become a Christian. Since then, he's been bugging eevrybody non-stop about what they tihnk of God and the like. Anyway, he asked me if i believed in God to which i replied, "Hell no! If God created the universe, who the hell created him?". At this point in the discussion, somebody said, "People believe in him and do not question their faith". Under that logic, i would like to proclaim that fluorescent purple hippopotamus also exist. At the moment, that statement seems absolutely absurd (and it will probably always be that way) but as soon as i start a religion based on it, let's call it Hipophitian, people will congregate in a hall of some sort and worship a statue of a giant purple hippo. What's my point? The point is, people believe in gods and religion because they are told to and because they feel it gives them purpose and direction in life. For atheists, such as myself, religion is the science of science fiction, much like propaganda.

Now that i've inflicted more of my (anti) religious beliefs on you, it's time for...

Dodgy haiku: part 3 (so bad, i skipped a number)

Waking up

One day we will wake

to the scent of roses;

not bloodied coffee

Valentines Day

I see my body

hanging outside the window;

disturbed... undisturbed

Untitled

Dark clouds congregate.

I find the devils's feather's,

lost in the raindrops

Further into abyss

Two days after my last post and it still feels like i'm goin bloody mad. Starting to show some symptoms too. Firstly, althoguh my stomach is telling me that i'm starving, i can't seem to eat anything at all without having to make a conscious effort to force it down. Secondly, i'm going through the most dramatic mood swings. Happiness comes quickly and sticks me up on a major high then after the feeling subsides it's like being kicked in the groin by some guy with steel capped boots. My concentration is suffering because of this. I can't concentrate on anything for longer than about 2 minutes. And then there's the bloody trembling. I woke up this morning feeling pretty drained and piss weak (despite getting a full 11 hours of sleep). I picked up my toothbrush and noticed that my hadn was just quivering even though it was pleasantly warm at the time.

But the thing that's really driving me mad is that i don't know why i feel like shit. It's like suffering from withdrawal symptoms. But at the same time, it's so different. Usually i can just ignore this peculiar feeling by keeping myself occupied with other things but when your concentration is akin to that of a goldfish with amnesia, this fails to be a valid option. If anybody knows what the f*ck is going wrong with me, tell me and save me from this madness.

going crazy

It's been a damn crazy week. Started off with Valentines Day, not a good day because it was a bloody painful (and unnecessary reminder) that i'm single and got my sory ass dumped the year before. The rest of the week more or less heralded the beginning of the end as assessment notifications started flooding in. Feels like i'm being bogged down.

And then, on Friday, my emotions were playing mind games with me. Happy happy joy joy turned to doom and gloom which the turned to happy happy joy joy which turned to apathy. So, i've been more or less unstable this entire week but Friday just about tipped me over the edge. And you know what the saddest thing is? The highlight of my week was attending my (now) weekly commitment to informal debating. Yes, i have nothing better to do with Friday arvos than to go argue over an issue that nobody could care less about. What a sad reflection on my life... ah well, back to the schematics to find out what's going wrong.

Dear single love sick loser...

I am writing to remind you that tomorrow is February the 14th. I'm sure i don't need to remind you that tomorrow, while everyone else will be with somebody they love and cherish, you will be standing there by yourself trying to suppress your emotions. Ever since you got rejected the year before, you've promised to never love anybody ever again and yet there you will be wondering why it is you're the only one alone. And after last year, what emotions have you got left to suppress but hatred and jealousy?

I am also here to remind you that today is the day where people pay to renew their love. It is the day when the balance of love can be tipped depending on how much is spent. It is a day of crass commercialism. It is a day where human emotions are exploited and put on sale. But this is not the reason you will hate tomorrow. You will hate it because it is a reminder to you that you are alone in the world and nobody gives a shit about you unless they want something.

Love always,

Valentines Day

Xing nian quai le!

Happy Chinese New Year everyboy! But as we all know, the only thing that happens is that you eat leftovers from some over the top celebration for a month, have annoying relos and friends visiting at all hours and listen to some annoying kids singing the same annoying songs over and over again (think christmas carolling only worse). But as we also all know, it's also the time where our wallets become big and fat. Is it worth being annoyed for 2 hours for $20? You bet it is! My total red envelope income is sitting at $340 at the moment with more to come. *dollar signs light up in eyes*

School photo day tomorrow as well. Every year, i always end up looking like a complete blooming moron on photo day because the wind messes up my hair, or pulling off my jumper creates mass amounts of static or my eyes are closed, the list just goes on. This will probably be the last time i ever get to take a photo with all 150-odd people in my grade, so hopefully everything goes alright tomorrow. And if it doesn't, i'm gonna have to learn how to use photo shop.

Valentines day coming up soon too. What does that mean? Ummm... another reminder that i'm doomed to be alone? Most likely, but i've gotten so used to the feeling the only thing that annoys/amuses me are the sing-o-grams being delivered and maybe my friends whacking me with their roses (at $3 each ><). Not that i don't believe in love (nor do i believe in it) but i refuse to pay up money to show i love somebody. It's just too full of shit.

Dodgy haiku: part 1

Yes folks, it's time for me to present some incredibly dodgy haiku on some rather dubious topics.

pickings
finger sneaks inside
wriggles around and withdraws
disgusting habit

bad hair day
head now rock solid
too impatient, too much gel
bad hair day

still water
still water runs deep
when the rain falls, it ripples
and runs deeper yet

Corrinne May - Something About You

There's something in your eyes
something in your smile
something in the way you move me...

End of the first week of my last year at school. My first impressions of year twelve? It sucks. Not because the workload has been blown out of proportion or because there is no longer any room for error but because the people who have always been there to look out for you are now busy looking after their own asses. There is no other time in which sticking togetehr is more important and yet this is the time at which our friends desert us. An inexhaustible number of people have had a bitch about their friends dumping them in the proverbial shithouse. But the one important thing they often forget is that they are also treating people in the same way. It's amazing how three letters can create such a festering feeding ground for hatred and self-absorption. If i ever start being all moody and bitchy (more so than usual), you have the right to slap me across the head and tell me to wake up to reality.

On a lighter note, I've just found further proof that Asians are perhaps the cheapest people in the known universe. It's been right under my nose this whole time too. When visiting a temple, it is customary to bring some fruit or candy or cakes or something to offer to the gods/demigods so that they grant prosperity/health/longevity/fertility/etc. Anyway, after all the incense burning and religious ass kissing is done and over with, people go around and collect their fruit and other stuff and take it home so they can eat it. It seems that not even Bhuddism is more powerful than the almighty Dollar religion.

While i'm on the topic of the temple, i may as well point out the poor living conditoins the monks have to endure. They live in brand new housing with carpet which i'm sure makes them all itch and must certainly smell of factory oil. And unlike the rest of us whoc only have to choose between 5 TV channels, they have huge satellites which provide them with millions of channels. It is a huge sacrifice that they are making in viewing that many crappy shows so the rest of us may be spared the horror and torture. And as if that wasn't enough sacrifice, they also have an enormous statue of some goddess or another which also doubles as a water fountain. What a noble sacrifice it must be for them to use soo much water in order to keep the landscape so lovely. What did we do to deserve all this?

Welcome back...

Once again, i walk through the all too familiar school gates. Which aren't really all that familiar anymore due to all the construction work that's been going on for the last 6 weeks. Now according to my deputy principal, the construction will be completed by the end of this week. Looking at the main quad, I have plenty of reason to doubt this. Anyway, dodgy construction and lying admin aside, the start to school has so far been relatively uneventful but picking up speed very quickly. Retract what i just said about the uneventful. I had to spend last night completing about 6 weeks of physics work because i was just too damn lazy to do it during the holiday. Managed to chop it all up (albeit a bit dubiously) in about 3 hours.

I've also just received my new timetable which looks damn sweet. Because i now have to study jap through open high school, the number of free periods i have has just tripled in number to 9 a fortnight. The best part is, a large proportion of these are at the start of the day or the end meaning i can sleep in and go home early ^^. The downside to my timetable is that i now have the same teacher for all 4 untis of maths that i do which makes up 1/3 of my timetabled classes. I have no qualms with the teacher at all right now but i'm sure that i will get very sick of hearing her voice very quickly.

Also realised that the original plan i had for my english extension 2 major work will have to be dropped because i can't find a substantial non-cliched storyline to show that modern society is a dystopia. Instead, my new plan (which my teachers are not recommending) is to write a collection of haiku (5-7-5), bushku (3-5-3) and tanka (5-7-5-7-7) (all japanese poetry styles) on the topic that everyday moments can be special. Yes, it's a damn huge turn around from 'the world is f*cked' to 'the world is f*cking wonderful'. Call it a form of male PMS if you wish.

Final point of discussion, teh new year resolutions i wrote about a few posts ago. I've decided to scrap those as well and run my entire year based on the carpe diem philosophy. Seize the day. Even thoguh i'm sure this will inevitably result in me partaking in some very stupid activities, antics and shenanigans.

It's gonna be a good year.