Bouncing Off The Walls

*Roars* *Breaks into song* Ding dong, the witch is dead, the witch is dead, the witch is dead. Ding dong the wicked witch is deaaaadddd! *Spins on chair* *Bounces off ceiling* *Puts boiled egg into microwave* *Eats whipped cream straight from can*

Phew! Glad I got that out of my system. Anyway, that hyperactive outburst is brought to you by the end of semester one exams *pops champagne bottle* and the beginning of a one month break *piles up anime on desk*. The plan? Stay up late (early if that's what you want to call 7am), watch every single World Cup game from here on in, possibly organise a poker night for the World Cup finals (assuming I can be bothered), anime, paintball if I can be bothered going out to the back of Bourke at 7:30am (damn you, Grace!), catch up with friends, eat chocolate, get back to writing poetry and scrabble until my eyes bleed. 'Where does sleep figure in this grand plan of yours, Alan?'. Sleep? Who needs sleep? Sleep is for the weak! *cackles wicked witch style*


I just finished watching Hostel too. That movie is so utterly wrong. Like really, really wrong. Think torture using power drills and blowtorches and you've got the tip of the ice berg. Not particularly scary but it seriously grossed me out. On the upside, should anybody well and truly give me the shits, I now have an expansive database of suitable retalitation techniques. *revs chainsaw*

And while I'm here and still totally bored out of my mind as I wait for the next sugar kick to hit...

What people think about the 'half filled glass':

• Realist - it's half empty.
• Scientist - it's neither half full nor half empty, the percentage error is... *cut*
• Bimbo - *thinks* *head explodes*
• Economist - it's half full now but with the right sort of economic policy and the current trend in global trading, it can be overflowing in several years time.
• Lawyer - that glass is totally innocent! I mean half innocent! I mean half full!
• Liberal party member - *hands glass to GWB*
  
• Cryptic crossword writer - fifty cents when two and three are added without a house.
• Optimist - half full.
• Pessimist - it's poisoned.
  
• Nihilist - what glass?

Procrastination

Procrastination - n. the art of keeping up with yesterday

Or in my case, keeping up with the last several months worth of yesterdays. It's bound to happen when you only attend every second lecture on your timetable. There's a philosophy exam tomorrow that I'm not nearly prepared for. All I have to do is remember a few catch phrases and important names now and then go and write four essays in two hours tomorrow. How hard could it possibly be?

Then there's the multiple choice psychology exam. The strategy for that: if I don't know the answer, I'll be guessing it's 'c'. No point in varying the guesses because statistically, they're all equally likle to be (in)correct. I haven't really put a hell of a lot of effort into studying for this either.

So what have I been doing while everybody else is studying and panicking? Watching anime, listening to music and playing Puzzle Bubble. Some may call it procrastination. I disagree with this because procrastination would require me to have an intent to study at some stage. Some call it laziness and others call it academic apathy. I prefer to call it 'psychological preparation'. I don't believe that people perform at their best when under pressure so I'm taking the bohemian approach. So what if I don't know the answers? Everybody else will be so panicked and stressed they won't remember either. And on top of that, I'll have the advantage of being awake because I haven't been sleep deprived by the aforementioned stress and panic. Let's face it, short of some freak somnambulant coincidence, there is no way anybody is going to write essays in their sleep.

Welcome to Alan's school of exam preparation. Please leave your textbooks at the door.

Australia vs Brazil

It is just before Australia v Brazil in the Group phase of the World Cup.

Ronaldinho goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his teammates looking a bit glum. "What's up?" he asks.

"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Australia. They're shit and we can't be bothered".

Ronaldinho looks at them and says, "Well, I reckon I can beat these guys by myself, you lads go down the pub."

So Ronaldinho goes out to play Australia by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few beers. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to turn the tv on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Brazil 1 - Australia 0 (Ronaldinho 10minutes)". He is beating Australia all by himself!

Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on". They turn the tv on.

"Result from the Stadium "Brazil 1 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes) - Australia 1 (Kewell 89 minutes)". They can't believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against Australia!! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them.

"I've let you down, I've let you down."

"Don't be daft, you got a draw against Australia, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!"

"No, No, I have, I've let you down... I got sent off after 12 minutes"