Dating Profile

The Boy Next Door
Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDm)

Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You're looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it's sweet.

We think the next three years will be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a horny side just waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If you've had some things not work out before, so what.

Your exact opposite: The 5-Night Stand Deliberate Brutal Sex Master

On paper, most girls would name the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however, you're often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You're the typical "nice guy:" without just a touch of cockiness, you're doomed with girls. A shoulder to cry on? Okay, sure. But never a penis to hold.

More than any other type, Boys Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love, but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering backrubs to kids and what not.


ALWAYS AVOID: The Nymph

CONSIDER: The Maid of Honor, The Peach


I'm uncertain if it's sadder that I did this silly thing or that I'm allegedly not manly. I'm so unmanly, I've done the full revolution and become Fabio. =P

So Much Time, So Few Things To Do...

Something I borrowed from Cyd's blog.

• NAME: Alan
• BIRTHDAY: 23/09/87
  
• WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? running out of things to be cynical about
  
• DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS OR GLASSES? glasses
  
• WHAT YOUR PERFECT MAN/WOMAN WOULD BE LIKE: a female version of me... but prettier
  
• MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT? probably when my entire play went wrong because the light and sound guys at SHS can't follow simple instructions.
  
• YOUR FUTURE KIDS' NAME: errrrr... something normal
  
• BEST FRIEND: no time to discriminate, I hate everyone equally
  
• YOU EVER HATED ANY PERSON IN YOUR FAMILY? various people at various stages
  

FAVOURITE...

• ICE CREAM: English toffee
• MEAT: mmmmmmmm... steak...
  
• CANDY: it's all good except licorice (or however that's spelt)
  
• BEVERAGE: chardonnay
  
• MOVIE: The Notebook (yes, I am fully aware that it's a chick flick)
  
• SHOW: Today Tonight because it's just so damn funny
  
• JEWELLERY: do watches count?
  
• SPORT: tennis, cricket, cycling, volleyball, soccer
  
• NUMBER: 13
  
• ANIMAL: ferrets
  
• BRAND OF SHOES: *shrugs*
  
• PERFUME/COLOGNE: most of them make me sneeze
  
• SUBJECT: philosophy
  
• GOING TO COLLEGE?: naturally
  
• HOW DO YOU SEE YOURSELF 10 YEARS DOWN THE ROAD?: either still being cynical or in a coffin and six feet under.
  

HAVE YOU...

• LOVED SOMEBODY SO MUCH IT MADE YOU CRY? not that i can remember
• DRANK ALCOHOL? (see 'favourite drink')
• DONE DRUGS? panadol
  
• RUN AWAY FROM HOME? nope
• BROKEN A BONE? everything's still intatc
  
• CHEATED ON TEST? yup
  
• SKINNY DIPPED? no
  
• PLAYED STRIP POKER? unfortunately not.
  
• PLAYED TRUTH OR DARE? no, it's a silly game
  
• MOONED SOMEONE? maybe when I was 2 or 3 years old.
  
• KISSED SOMEONE YOU DIDN'T KNOW? never been drunk enough to do something like that
  
• BEEN IN A PHYSICAL FIGHT? at least once a week with my brother
  
• RODE IN A POLICE CAR? I swear I didn't kill him!
  
• BEEN ON A PLANE? many times
  
• COME CLOSE TO DYING? death happens to be a good friend of mine

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT...

• COUNTRY MUSIC? *assumes foetal position*
• CLASSICAL? good in small doses
  
• OLDIES? love some, indifferent towards others
  
• THE PERSON THAT SENT THIS TO YOU? I borrowed this from Cyd's blog
  

WHAT IS...

• YOUR GOOD LUCK CHARM? pessimism and cynicism
• THE WORST SONG U EVER HEARD? that bloody 'Milkshake' crap
  
• MOST EMBARRASSING TAPE/ C.D IN YOUR COLLECTION? too many to count
  
• YOUR BEDROOM LIKE? tidy until you have a look under my bed
  
• YOUR SECRET CRUSH? nobody at the moment
  
• YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSIONS? my friends (I'm going to have you all stuffed and put on display when you die)
  

ARE YOU A....

• VEGETARIAN? I love vegetables too much to eat them often
• GOOD STUDENT? only when want to learn
  
• GOOD AT SPORTS? I'm alright at most sports
  
• DEEPSLEEPER? *yawns* where did all those soldiers come from?
  
• STORYTELLER? when there is an interesting story to be told
  

HAVE YOU EVER HAD...

• CHICKENPOX? yes
• SORE THROAT? every second week
  
• BLOODY NOSE? I'm easily excited
  
• CANCER? I sure hope not
  
• SURGERY? I split my head open when I was 5 and had to get that stitched up
  
• SOMEONE BESIDES YOUR FAMILY SAY THEY LOVE YOU? *nods enthusiastically*
  
• SOMEONE PUNCH YOU? every single year on September 23
  

• ENJOY PARKS? if the weather is right
  
• LIKE PICNICS? depends who with
  
• ENJOY SHOPPING? not particularly
  

WOULD YOU...

• EAT A LIVE HAMSTER FOR A MILLION? a million what? dollars? donuts? more hampsters?
• GO TO A HANSON CONCERT IF YOU HAD A FREE TICKET? depends if I have any rotten vegetables in the fridge
  
• GET ANYTHING PIERCED? no
  

IF...

• YOUR HOUSE WAS ON FIRE, WHAT TWO THINGS WOULD YOU TAKE FROM YOUR ROOM? my phone and MP3 player
  
• SOMEONE OFFERED YOU A SMALL PART IN A MOVIE WOULD YOU ACCEPT? wouldn't hurt
  
• WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES AND THEIR ORIGIN: Alaine (courtesy of Jeffery), Dodo Number 2 (because Stephen is Dodo Number 1) and Mr. Cynic (self explanatory)
  

2005, So Long And Thanks For All The Fish

Well, I was actually totally conscious and sober as 2005 turned into 2006. The fact that I was sober had nothing to do with my not wanting alcohol, rather not having the money. And the only reason I was conscious was because if I fell asleep I would have been swiftly trampled to death by a happy mob counting backwards. I even almost made it to the first sunrise of 2006. Unfortunately, the magical effects of three glasses of coffee wore off at 4:30am.

Anyway, seeing as how everyone else has their New Year's resolutions I figured I'd throw mine into the blender. But unlike everyone else's generic resolutions (1. promote world peace, 2. become as skinny and stupid as Paris Hilton, etc.), mine are entirely original because nobody else could be this damn cynical about a contract signed twice by the one person. Without further ado, I give to you, the Alan of 2006:

1. Be less cynical about everything, especially religion.
2. Find something to believe in, preferably not religion related.
3. Put some effort into my education (Let's face it, I can only coast along for so long before it gets dull).
4. Write some brilliant neo-post-modernist poetry about a girl I don't know.
5. Smile more... for the right reasons.
6. Ignore the previous points at any stage should they prevent me from doing what I damn well feel like doing.