2005, So Long And Thanks For All The Fish

Well, I was actually totally conscious and sober as 2005 turned into 2006. The fact that I was sober had nothing to do with my not wanting alcohol, rather not having the money. And the only reason I was conscious was because if I fell asleep I would have been swiftly trampled to death by a happy mob counting backwards. I even almost made it to the first sunrise of 2006. Unfortunately, the magical effects of three glasses of coffee wore off at 4:30am.

Anyway, seeing as how everyone else has their New Year's resolutions I figured I'd throw mine into the blender. But unlike everyone else's generic resolutions (1. promote world peace, 2. become as skinny and stupid as Paris Hilton, etc.), mine are entirely original because nobody else could be this damn cynical about a contract signed twice by the one person. Without further ado, I give to you, the Alan of 2006:

1. Be less cynical about everything, especially religion.
2. Find something to believe in, preferably not religion related.
3. Put some effort into my education (Let's face it, I can only coast along for so long before it gets dull).
4. Write some brilliant neo-post-modernist poetry about a girl I don't know.
5. Smile more... for the right reasons.
6. Ignore the previous points at any stage should they prevent me from doing what I damn well feel like doing.