How Many People Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?

So, just how many people does it take to change a light bulb? We put the question to the students of Sydney, and here's how they replied:

• Scot's - Two. One to mix the martinis and one to phone the electrician.
• PLC - One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
• Sydney Grammar - Two. One to change the bulb and one to crack under the pressure.
• James Ruse Agricultural - Four. One to design a nuclear powered one that never needs changing, two to install it and one to write the computer programme that controls the switch.
• Forest High - Two. One to change the bulb and one to figure out how to get high off the old one.
• Loreto Kirribilli - One. She'll put through a call to maintenance staff because there's no way she's going to do manual labour.
• King's - Two. One to change the globe faster than anyone in the GPS and one to show him around the school afterwards.
• Knox Grammar - Two. One to install the new bulb completely powered by testosterone and one to brag about it loudly.
• Cranbrook - Six. One to change the bulb and five to support its sexual orientation.
• Ravenswood - Five. One to change the bulb, two to reassure her that she doesn't look fat at the top of the ladder and two to circulate photos showing that she does.
• Abbotsleigh - Four. One to smash the glass ceiling so that they can get to the top of the ladder, one to install the globe and two to check that it's brighter than PLC's.
• Shore - Sixteen. One to send out the invitations, two to get the beer, one to change the bulb, one to buy Ralph Lauren polos for everyone, two to smuggle the chicks in and one to keep watch for the boarding master. The second eight just need to be ready to back them up.
• Northern Beaches Christian School - Two. One human and God just to make sure the light shelters all in need, whether it be for food, shelter..blah blah f**kin blah...
• MacDonald College - Five. One to change the globe and four to do an interpretive dance about it.
• Newington - None. They're all too drunk to notice.
• Killara High - Two. One to change the bulb and one to write to the North Shore Times about how she did it as well as any private school student.
• Santa Sabina - None. They're all down at Strathfield station having a ciggie.
• St Patrick's, Strathfield - Ten. One to change it and one to buy the hair gel to impress and ultimately lay the Santa Sabina chicks, while the rest compete wiv da Christian Bruvvers for da turf (Strathfield Station).
• Homebush Boys High - Fourteen. One to change it, one to throw the old one at the St Pat's boys and six Italians and six Asians to kick the crap out of each other in the meantime.
• Barrenjoey High - Eleven. One to change it and ten to share the experience.
• Parramatta High - None. That hole looks better in the dark.
• Joey's - Fifteen. It's not that one's not smart enough, it's just that they're a team and they have to form a lineout and get the backs into position.
• Barker College - Fifteen. One to change it and the rest to walk around as if they own the place and talk it up.
• MLC Burwood - Two. One to change it but only after the other one has found an interpreter to translate the English instructions.
• Sydney Uni - Seventy six. One to change the globe. Fifty to protest the globe's right not to change and twenty five to stage a counter protest.
• Mater Maria - Twenty. One to change it and the rest to carry on about how it was, like, soooo fully better than at their old school.
• Trinity - None. Those poor bastards are keeping their backs to the wall even if it means standing in the dark.
• SCEGGS Redlands - Three. One to change the bulb and two to nick down to Bed, Bath and Table to buy a Jacquard shade for it in the new season's colours.
• Queenwood - Depends, could be one, could be ten, no-one is prepared to commit unless the Shore boys are definitely going to be there.
• Mercy College - Five, one to screw it in, two to laugh about the word screw and two to message the St Pius boys about it.
• St Pius X - Three, one to get word around that the Mercy girls are talking about a screw, one to replace the bulb and one to pray that they get it done in time to beat the Chatswood High boys to the Mercy party.
• Brigidine - None. It's too hard to find a new globe with their sunglasses on.
• Girraween High - Two. One student and one teacher but not before they make out.
• Marist Eastwood - Five. One to change it and four to shop for the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.
• Riverview - Five. One to change it, and four to go to Gowings for new flannellette shirts to wear for the occasion.
• Cabramatta High - Ten. One to change the bulb, two to negotiate a pay off to rival gangs to prevent anything going down during the change and the rest to stake out just in case.
• Kogarah High - Five. One to install it. One to tally the number of times he says F*** while he's doing it, one to brag about the size of their falafels and a couple of eager chicks with gelled hair and monobrows who overheard and came for 'lunch'.
• East Hills Girls - Nobody bothered to ask because nobody cares about East Hills.
• Riverstone High - Six. Two to break into the store, one to steal the globe, one to install it and two to help him reach the socket using their pregnant tummies as steps.
• The International School - None. They brought notes from their guardians excusing them.
• Ascham - One, because she's a unique, self motivated, individual.
• Kincoppal - Three. One to change it and two to make sure her hair ribbons are still in place afterwards.
• Glenaeon - The entire school. One to remove the perfectly good globe, two to work out how to dispose of it so that it's dolphin safe, one to replace it with candles and the rest to sit on mats and express how they feel about the change.
• Frensham - The girl who answered the phone said she was pleased to be included with the Sydney schools but probably would never know the answer because her Daddy had said to phone immediately if the maintenance man made any disgusting suggestions.
• Sydney Girl's High - One and she was determined to get better results than the Sydney Boys.
• Sydney Boy's High - None. They didn't have to, the Sydney Girls insisted on showing them how it was done.
• Narrabeen Sports High - Unsure. Their response was something like 'Duuh, what's a light globe?'
• Pennant Hills High - About fifteen. One to change the bulb, but a small search party to try and find a socket that hasn't been burnt to a crisp.
• Tara - Five. One to replace the globe, three to figure out that she screwed it in upside down and one to phone her brother at Kings and get him to send over his mates to show them how to screw the right way up.
• The Conservatorium - Forty Three. One to change the globe and a 42 piece orchestra to accompany him.
• Kambala.- Two. One to change the bulb and one to phone daddy to pay for it.
• Condell Park - None. They didn't want to spoil its 'quickie in the dark' atmosphere.
• St Aloyisius - Three. One to put in a formal complaint about the imposition, one to change the bulb and one to make the observation that it isn't half as bright as the light shining from their arses.
• Leichardt High - Four. One to order a Venetian chandelier from her cousin Roberto who owns a lighting warehouse and imports from the old country, one to arrange delivery cause his sister's husband Tony has an uncle whose mate, Angelo, has a truck, one to put the squeeze on his neighbour Dominic the electrician because he owes him a favour and one to make sure everything is done cash.