Somnambulance
Look upon the mirrored landscape.
In shallow puddles -
Ephemeral moons
Have not forgotten how to smile.
But there can be no mirth in lamenting
The day you turned in your wings
For a diamond encrusted dream.
See how the stars await the return
Of your nocturnal gaze;
Keeping their ancient places
Until the sun appears
And they become a memory
Like a folded photograph
That can never be perfect again.
And it is your presence that lurks
Behind the gilded bars
While your estranged faces
Miss the many-splendoured thing.
In shallow puddles -
Ephemeral moons
Have not forgotten how to smile.
But there can be no mirth in lamenting
The day you turned in your wings
For a diamond encrusted dream.
See how the stars await the return
Of your nocturnal gaze;
Keeping their ancient places
Until the sun appears
And they become a memory
Like a folded photograph
That can never be perfect again.
And it is your presence that lurks
Behind the gilded bars
While your estranged faces
Miss the many-splendoured thing.
posted by Yuki at
1:33 PM
8 Comments:
Who is "you".
L.
By
Anonymous, at May 22, 2005 3:15 PM
'You' is all of society in general. We're all too obsessed with our own materialistic existence to care about everything else.
By
Yuki, at May 22, 2005 6:58 PM
Hmm, I didn't guite get all of that. I saw problems with materialism but what I see with images of diamonds is the idea of beauty and not excess. Perhaps with talk of that folded photograph, it's a nice alliteration but consider "creased" because folded sounds too crafted and intentional. Creased has more of the connotations.
That's all the crit. All smiles from now on.
L.
By
Anonymous, at May 22, 2005 8:05 PM
I was tossing up between folded, creased and wrinkled. Couldn't decide which of the three was better so i opted for the alliteration. I'm thinking 'faded' would be good since it works for both the photo and the stars. And just on that point about the diamonds, i thought the word 'dream' would have alluded to the fact that it isn't real, as does the word 'gilded' later on.
By
Yuki, at May 22, 2005 8:30 PM
Fair enough but does the alliteration achieve anything? What does it add when you read it aloud - what's the effect.
As for dream.. I still see it as a nice thing. Can't you say diamond encrusted cock ring or something like that? : P
L.
By
Anonymous, at May 22, 2005 8:39 PM
"The day you turned in your wings / for a diamond encrusted circumcision". Doesn't quite work for me.
By
Yuki, at May 22, 2005 9:06 PM
Sure it does, you just haven't discovered your fetish.
By the way, I get to see David next round of SMH.
L.
By
Anonymous, at May 23, 2005 6:31 PM
Excellent. You'll get to see his 'Australia Should become Fascist' rant in full flight.
By
Yuki, at May 23, 2005 8:47 PM
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