You-just-got-raped-by-Cadbury-month

I'm sure Easter has some sort of significance to most people, but as far as I'm concerned, it's just another day of the year where we are compelled (coerced?) into buying stuff we really do not want or need. Easter eggs. Millions and millions of them further than the eye can see, all wrapped in shiny foil, awaiting melting and mould growth in your cupboard. And if they're not becoming breeding grounds for all sorts of biological WMDs, they're turning children into little terrorists. Okay, admittedly, little kids are usually horrid little beasts (i speak from experience) but the last thing anybody needs is an army of hyperactive demons frothing at the mouth (and runny brown froth at that). If they're not going crazy from having too much sugar, they're going apeshit because parents are refusing to meet their terrorist-esque chocolate demands.

This zombie like frenzy (think Dawn of the Dead) would all be well and good if we were consuming monolithic piles of the stuff for something that remotely resembles a purpose. If Easter really is about Jesus being crucified (I love that word) and coming back to life, shouldn't we all be eating chocolate crosses instead of eggs? "But eggs represent new life and birth, just like the rebirth of Jesus". I must have missed the bit in the Bible that said "and so Jesus popped his head out of the egg and said to mankind...". And this business with the Easter bunny... once again, "Rabbits breed fast and are therefore representative of rebirth". Is there anything about Easter that isn't symbolic of rebirth? Once again, with the Bible as my reference, I'm assuming that the Virgin Mary was indeed a virgin and (hopefully) a human. Rabbits, on the other hand, are certainly not human and the phrase "breeding like rabbits" does tend to suggest that they are anything but virgins.

So then, why do we consume eggs at the same rates rabbits fornicate? One word, "media". The media make us do all sorts of incredibly dumb things, mostly buying stuff we already have or stuff we do not have because we do not need them. This includes chocolate by the truckload. The media and it's ugly cousin, commercialism, are to blame for the demise of Easter. Instead of going to church for Easter Sunday mass, we go to the Royal (pain in the ass) Easter Show. Instead of fasting for lent, we stuff ourselves silly.

What I find most disturbing about all this is the apathy with which the Church is treating the matter. Instead of fending off the crass commercialism of their most important celebration (after Christmas because you can't have rebirth without birth), they are sitting by and watching as the sheep follow a new cult. I passed a Church the other day and noticed that there was a banner out the front informing people of the times for Sunday mass. Sure as hell, there was the Easter bunny's face all over the banner. Has it really reached the stage where we're worshipping a bloody rabbit? If you want to bring conspiracy theories into this, i might say that the Churches started this whole religion knowing full well that it would be commercialised and their apathy stems from the deal they cut with Cadbury, Darrel Lea and company.

Conclusion? Easter isn't about the crucifixion (love that word) of Jesus and his resurrection. It's all about chocolate, blood thirsty children, the birth of chickens and the breeding season of the humble rabbit. Considering how much Easter has changed over the years, i think it is only appropriate that we change the name. Happy You-just-got-raped-by-Cadbury-month!