<<~ wakarimasen! ~>>

Quick!

2008-11-06T21:33:00.000+11:00

What are you still doing here? I'm rambling over here now!

Give me coffee. Or the protagonist dies.

2008-11-01T00:27:00.002+11:00

Yes, dear readers, it's NaNoWriMo time again! Which means a copious amount of caffeine, an inadequate amount of sleep, and an unimaginable number of typos and tautologies, all in the name of authoring a novel in a month (even less, since my month will be interrupted by exams). This year's entry will be a thriller/horror. The story will be based on the lines of T.S. Eliot's 'The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock', with each line forming a new chapter. However, our beloved Mr. Prufrock has been given a sex change (for no reason other than my own amusement) and has gone totally psychotic and serial killer on us (because the poem just lends itself to such interpretation). So, without further ado, I give you the first chapter of my NaNo 2008 entry, 'What a Wonderful World: the diary of a serial killer'.

November 31, 2008: Let us go then, you and I

I stood on the street corner with a lit cigarette hanging from the end of my blood stained lips, the smoke coming up in twirls, pirouetting around me as though my rapid heartbeat were a song for it to dance to. My breath came in short, shallow gasps, each filling my lungs with the sweet scent of burning tobacco, the sweet taste of death. I never intended for it to end this way. I had never wanted it to end this way. No. Perhaps this is exactly what I was after all along. Perhaps this self destruction was exactly what I needed to set me free from all this. Free from this dreariness. Free from the inanities of society. I was sick. But my disease wasn’t something that could be cured. It was something that was bound to kill me over time. But not before I had killed other people. Many other people. Many more than the people I had already killed. The politician, the lawyer, the homeless man, the prostitute, the R n B artist, the newspaper editor, the evangelist, the commerce student, the inept literature lecturer… they were all just the beginning… No. I had done enough. It was time I made just one last grand statement.

I took one last drag on the cigarette and stubbed it out on the scar from where I had cut myself, the smell of burning flesh sensation recalling to me my senses, shaking away the inebriation of the night. I lifted the large pine lid of the coffin. It was much heavier than I had expected and the task would have been much simpler had I had full use of both arms. Instead, I was forced to lift the lid with just my right arm as my left hand was bloodied from the self inflicted stab wound from the fountain pen. I climbed into the coffin and wondered whether the ink poisoning would kill me first or if I would run out of oxygen first.

I imagined what it would be like when they discovered my corpse. Would they discover it tomorrow? Perhaps even next week? I hoped it was later. A rotten mutilated corpse has far more impact. And with that thought, I pulled the lid of the coffin shut.

And smiled.

The Miracle of Fountain Pens

2008-10-10T23:37:00.003+11:00

Jasmine: *plays with fountain pen* Wow! That's so cool! Where does the ink come from?!?
Cheng: It's a fountain pen, it works on capillary action.
Jasmine: *looks at pen from various angles* Oh, there must be a switch somewhere

Note: this was happening during a lecture and despite the tranquilising effects of the lecturer, I assure you, Jasmine was indeed sober at the time.

Point and laugh, children

2008-10-09T21:22:00.002+11:00

This is what happens when Hollywood gets its grubby little hands on a classic Japanese anime. Dear lord...

Introducing my family

2008-09-29T14:20:00.006+10:00

While rummaging through my stationary cupboard today and doing an inventory to find out what needed replenishing (which turns out to be just a fresh pad of parchment for letter writing), I realised that I owned quite a few nice pens. In no particular order I currently own:

-a silver Parker IM (ballpoint): despite being the baby of the Parker family in terms of price (they retail at a very affordable $10 AUD), they are still very reliable and feel quite nicely weighted in the hand.

-a silver Parker Jotter (ballpoint): the next step up from the IM is the every reliable Jotter which has been around for as long as I can remember being interested in shiny inky goodness. The one I have I received from my mother, who tells me the pen is about as old as I am. Despite it's age and the fact that I've probably dropped it over a dozen times (usually flying from my shirt pocket while chasing down public transport), it still functions perfectly.

-a blue Parker Reflex (ballpoint): this was the model that was superseded by the IM as Parker's entry level pen. The one that I own is in a fairly poor state, with the rubber grip all but worn through, and the spring mechanism also fairly defunct. While it was working though, it was fun to write with and the longer than usual barrel helped balance out the pen.

-a blue Waterman Harmonie (fountain): one of the newest pens in my collection and an absolute beauty. Typically of Waterman, this pen possesses an understated sense of elegance yet stands out from the crowd. The ink flow from the nib is gloriously smooth and the pen feels very poised in the hand when writing, with or without the cap.

-a black Parker Sonnet (ballpoint): I rarely leave the house without this pen. Of the pens that I own, this is probably the most elegant of the ballpoints. While I thoroughly enjoy writing with fountain pens and calligraphy pens, there are some things that can only be done with a ballpoint. Namely the crossword puzzles in newspapers.

-a silver Sheaffer Agio (fountain): my other day to day pen, I use this for everything that I can. It's a tad light for my liking, but the nib is fairly durable and seems to become smoother with use. Not quite as elegant as some of my other pens, but still nice and understated.

-a brushed metal Lamy Logo (calligraphy): probably the most fun to write with of the pens I own (owing primarily to the turqoise ink it's charged with). The calligraphy nib lets me write beautiful script (or at least it will once I learn how to write beautifully) as well as barely legible scrawl (in which I am very well practiced). The ribbed grip section and the spring loaded clip are also very practical touches.

-a black Parker Vector (calligraphy): surprisingly cheap for a calligraphy pen ($50 AUD for the pen, 4 nibs of varying broadness, 6 cartridges, and an annoying draw converter). Handy for learning the ins and outs of calligraphy although the lightness of the pen does tend to allow your hand to dance around the page somewhat. But hey, I guess at that price you can't really complain too much.

So there you have it. My happy little family, which I hope to add to as time passes (and my bank balance permits). And for those of you who have no idea what any of these pens look like, you can find photos of them here.

I grow old, I grow old...

2008-09-28T02:18:00.003+10:00

... I wore the bottoms of my trousers rolled... and had a totally awesome party!

Despite the rather large amount of time and effort it takes to plan and host a party (not to mention the shitload of cleaning that needs to be done afterwards), I still enjoy hosting parties because it's nice to fill the house with noise and friends. So thanks to everybody for turning up and helping me make my 21st a blast. ^^.

As I sit here typing this, I'm looking at the pile of gifts from my friends and realise that they know me all too well =). Let's go through the things I like most:
1. Pens - oh, I do love a good pen and this growing obsession was satisfied quite nicely today. I received a a Lamy semi-calligraphy pen (and a bottle of pretty green ink) from Samantha and Charley, and a Waterman Harmonie (I think it's a Harmonie) from Tracy and co. Thank youuuuuuuuuu!
2. Coffee - I drink way too much coffee (so much so that my liver suffers because of it). Of course, there's no such thing as too much of a good thing, so a whole gang of people chipped in and got me a brand spanking shiny coffee machine. And while it's possible to argue that they're trying to kill me, it will be a very happy and hyper death.
3. House - Yay! Kirsten and co. got me Season 4 of House. Need I say more?
4. Puzzles - it's a daily ritual. Pick up the newspaper at the campus newsagent and try to get the sudoku (and as much of the other puzzles as possible) done before classes start. The sudoku usually gets done, but now that Cyd, Amry and Desi saw it fit to purchase me an electronic sudoku, you can bet that my attention during lectures will drop dramatically. So thanks for that guys =). Also thanks to the Guildford gang(I think...) for getting me a totally funky lateral thinking board game thingy that I'll probably just go through by myself.
5. Japanese movies - yay! Samurai box set from Terry and Robert. Woot!
6. Books - Lauren got me a gift voucher for Angus and Robertson. Sure, the staff there are totally imcompetent but that's just half the fun of shopping there. I also received a copy of Freakonomics from Desi, Cyd and Amry, which promises to make for some fun light reading.
7. Vienna Teng - as if the shiny Lamy pen and ink wasn't enough, Samantha (vocals) and Charley (guitar) also saw it fit to serenade me with 'Lullabye for a stormy night' by Vienna Teng. It was just totally yay and I can now tick 'be serenaded' off my list of things to achieve.

The other gifts are also very much appreciated and will be put to good use. Who knows, maybe they'll kickstart yet another unhealthy obsession!

Special thanks also to the people who helped out with everything today so I could play the role of host. Thanks to Jeffrey and Liang for manning the BBQ all night. Thanks to my lovely mother who slaved away over the deep fryer to make deep fried chicken and her legendary spring rolls. Thanks to Samantha and Samantha (no, that's not a typo) for coming over crazy early to help roll the aforementioned spring rolls and to skewer large amounts of meat. Thanks to all the photographers who were snapping away all night. I'm looking forward to seeing all the photos (especially the one of me kissing Robert).Thanks to all the drivers who stayed sober and got everyone to and from the party safely. Sorry you guys couldn't drink, but I hope the food was good enough to make up for it. Thanks to Grace, Desi and Haidang for bringing their PS2s and Wii to keep us all entertained for the night. Thanks to Ace for just generally helping a bit with everything. A huge thanks to Keagan who helped heaps with the clearing up and saved me several hours of cleaning. And thanks to everybody for being responsible with the alcohol.

It was great having you guys over, and I hope you all had as much fun as I had (if not, more!). Let's do it again some time, ne?

And the words...

2008-09-21T21:48:00.002+10:00

they're everything and nothing. I want to search for her in the offhand remarks.
- Vienna Teng, 'Recessional'

And so begins my latest project. I recently bought a pretty little journal and I intend on filling it with beautiful quotations. I suspect that there will be an inordinate number of quotations from Vienna Teng and T.S. Eliot (probably all of Prufrock), but hopefully there will be some other gems as well, like this one from Henry Ward Beecher:

'Laughter is day and sobriety is night; a smile is the twilight that hovers between both, more bewitching than either'.

Hell Yes!

2008-09-21T13:06:00.000+10:00

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Gordon Brown MP, for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

The House of Representatives and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.

You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

Look up "interspersed."

There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).

You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.

While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.

British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. Popular British films such as the Italian Job and the Wicker Man should never be remade.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football." There are other types of football such as Rugby, Aussie Rules & Gaelic football. However proper football - which will no longer be known as soccer, is the best known, most loved and most popular. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).

We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2010.

You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of North America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. The 4th of July is no longer a public holiday. The 2nd of November will be a new national holiday, but only in Britain. It will be called "Indecisive Day."

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.

Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager . From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From the 10th of November the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until the 1st of April) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $10/US gallon -- get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.

(stolen from the facebook group 'Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America').

After the Taking of a Toast and Tea

2008-09-12T22:49:00.000+10:00

Cockroaches scuttle across the rotting stump,
tracing out a tale from memory
of promises she buried an age ago.
Have they been released from Winter's thralldom?
Will they bloom tomorrow?

If they are destined to rest beneath white sheets;
the nightingale shall drown
in the pibroch of dispirited cats,
crawling across keys: yellowed, jarred, uneven.

These floors remember the dancing of two lovers.
A million steps I have taken since;
a million cries for each that's been missed.

There is little left for these chilled fingers -
only a phone whose silence lingers
and a girl who mourns behind spidering glass,
dangling by a thread, thin as my greying hair.

Even if flowers bloom tomorrow, I will never
see the unfurled petals nor breathe the vialed scents.
It remains a reverie;
one that can not be touched,
should not be remembered
by the quill that scratches against stained parchment.

Arguments in favour of abortion

2008-09-11T20:41:00.001+10:00

Taken directly from a philosophy essay I recently submitted.

Argument 4: God is morally bad?!?
Consider again, the problem mentioned previously with defining when it is that a zygote becomes a foetus and when in the developmental stage of a foetus it becomes morally wrong to kill it. We came to the conclusion that any boundary we may draw is entirely arbitrary. But then, one could argue that it is also somewhat arbitrary that we should morally abhor the killing of a potential person (i.e. the foetus) and not the killing of potential potential persons (i.e. the sperm). If we are to take it back that far, then we can say that contraception is morally bad (something which the church firmly believes in anyway). But then, we must also say that the people responsible for making contraceptive devices are morally bad, since they are facilitating the killing of potential potential persons. But then, under the potentiality argument, the parents of the people who designed contraceptives are also morally bad since (rather ironically) in giving birth to their children, there was always the potential that they would cause ‘harm’ to the very fabric of society. But why stop there? Why not also say that the grandparents of the people who designed contraceptives, and the great grandparents, and the great great grandparents are also all morally bad people? And if we are to continue this chain, we eventually come to the incredibly ironic conclusion that the creator of human kind (i.e. God, the Big Bang, or which ever religious figurehead one happens to believe in) is morally bad. Firstly, this is just intuitively wrong. Secondly, we are left with an interesting paradox. How can it be that in upholding the moral values of a spiritual being (i.e. not encroaching on the right to life of another being) we are in fact saying that the spiritual being lacks the very moral values we are defending? If the being then lacks these values, there will be no values to defend, in which case abortion then becomes okay again, in which case the being is no longer immoral. If the being is no longer immoral, then we must uphold the values. In neither case are we then obliged to morally support nor morally abhor the act of abortion.

Punk is not ded!

2008-08-23T11:55:00.003+10:00

Went on a date of sorts with Samantha yesterday evening and being the elitist gourmet that I am, we dined at Maccas. After which we plodded down to Dendy Circular Quay to see Persepolis (released in cinemas Thursday in Australia and released on DVD sometime last month in the States). It was a lovely film and the characters were absolutely charming! I found myself caring about the plights of the characters (who were all in 2D black and white animation) which I found interesting because I've never really cared at all for any characters portrayed by real people. Samantha and I, being ourselves, then had a post-film critique and decided that the black and white animation contributed to the empathy by removing all the distractions of colour and special effects and all the shiny tinselly stuff that most contemporary films use as their bread and butter.

Okay, one rant over, next rant: The writing meme (pinched from Samantha's LJ)

Write poetry?
Yes. In fact, it's about the only thing I write for pleasure besides the occassional letter.

Angsty poetry?
Not nearly as much as I used to.

Most fun character you ever wrote?
Probably Gustaf from my 2006 NaNo entry. The man has issues.

Most annoying character you ever wrote?
Hmmm... I try to make my characters likeable. The angsty teen persona from 'Portrait of a Girl' is a bit annoying and pitiful.

Best plot you ever wrote?
I wrote a choose your own adventure thingy about some guy who was a lawyer by day and a vampire slayer by night. I think that's the only thing I've written lately that has any real plot.

Coolest plot twist you ever wrote?
Falling down the stairs of the tower while running up to fight Dracula.

How often do you get writer's block?
As often as I get lazy (i.e. always)

How do you fix it?
Fish a random word from the dictionary and do 5 or 10 minutes of word association.

Do you type or write by hand?
If I'm editing, I tend to do it on computer because I tend to change my mind a lot. First drafts and those almost brilliant one-liners are written by hand (in my notebook if I have it on me, on random scraps of paper and tissues otherwise).

Do you save everything you write?
Yes, I do! I save all my text messages, poems, one liners, absurd notions, etc. etc. The only thing I don't save are the letters that I write (for obvious reasons).

Do you ever go back to an old idea long after you abandoned it?
All the time. I frequently get bored with working on one piece and put it on the shelf for another day (often another year) while I fidget with some other piece I wrote a lifetime ago.

What's your favorite thing that you've written?
It's hard to say. Probably a haiku I wrote called 'For X'.

What's everyone else's favorite thing that you've written?
Life of Gustaf seems to give people kicks.

Do you ever show people your work?
Absolutely. It's always good to get some feedback from people... and then totally ignore it.

Who's your favorite constructive critic?
Samantha seems to be one of the only people who ever has any idea what I'm trying to get at with my writing. Zhi Wen and Cyd are also quite nifty at picking at things.

Did you ever write a novel?
I've completed two NaNo entires but neither I haven't really been bothered revising and editing either.

Have you ever written fantasy, sci-fi, or horror?
I think my 2007 NaNo entry falls under the category of satirical horror.

Ever written romance or teen angsty drama?
Hmmm... a bit of romance but nothing I'd really call teen angsty drama.

What's one genre you have never written, and probably never will?
I think I've had a bit of a go at almost every genre. I'll probably never go into teen angst again.

How many writing projects are you working on right now?
Let's see...
1. Editing/rewriting of Life of Gustaf
2. Editing of 'Somnambulance' for a poetry competition
3. Vague plotting for NaNo '08
4. Attempting to condense all of Prufrock into a single haiku
5. Assorted poems which are currently a collection of pretty one-liners with no coherence.
6. Amusing philosophy essays.

Do you want to write for a living?
I'd love to but I think the problem with that is that I write for myself. I don't think I could bring myself to write something that would actually appeal to the masses because I don't like pandering.

Have you ever written something for a magazine or newspaper?
I had a letter published in Honi Soit. Does that count?

Have you ever won an award for your writing?
Nope =(

Ever written something in script or play format?
I wrote a play for my year 12 concert. It turned out to be a comedy of errors.

What is your favorite word?
Ethereal, ephemeral, wisp, and sperlunking!

Do you ever write based on yourself?
I think so. Don't we all?

Which of your characters most resembles you?
Gustaf is like a more insane version of me. I'd be exactly like him if it weren't for the existence of social etiquette and sex discrimination laws.

Where do you get ideas for your characters?
I watch too many movies.

Do you ever write based on your dreams?
I wish I could remember any of my dreams.

Do you prefer happy endings, sad endings, or cliff-hangers?
That really depends on how much I like the characters. If they're likable, I try to write them happy endings. If they suck, I kill them all off. But usually, I just get too lazy to think of an ending and leave it open ended.

Have you ever written anything based on an artwork you've seen?
A fair deal of my poetry is based on images I've seen (I'm counting photography as artwork)

Are you concerned with spelling and grammar as you write?
I'm a bit of a Nazi with both, as well as making sure every sentence flows perfectly before moving onto the next.

Ever write something entirely in chatspeak?
I attempted it once and it just made my head hurt. Even when I'm on MSN, I tend to type in full sentences.

Does music help you write?
I find music with lyrics helps when I'm stuck for ideas but is distracting and though contaminating when I know where I'm going.

Are people surprised and confused when they find out you write well?
Only because I write better than most of the idiots I associate with =P.

Quote something you've written.
And it is your presence enthralled
by the gilded bars,
your estranged smiles missing
the many-splendoured thing

Let us do battle...

2008-08-20T20:15:00.003+10:00

in 5-7-5! My wake,
you will be left in!

Another ELIOT (English Loving Insanity On Tuesday), another day of utter literary related madness, culminating in the Writer's Society Haiku Slam. It was a rather entertaining affair as most people chose to completely ignore the thematic rules of haiku and opted, instead, to compose senryu (which beloved Writer's Soc. president Libby declared to be a haiku anyway). I varied my contributions to the night, with a couple of attempts at proper haiku and a couple of senryu:

After winter's death
the grizzly bear awakens,
drinks from melted spring

that smell... old cheddar?
or perhaps mouldy gouda?
Or is it my feet?

pursing my chaffed lips,
holding my breath, waiting for
a kiss not coming

in life, the only
certainty is change, except
from vending machines.

Congratulations to the winner of the evening (I believe it was Tim).

I may have fallen,
but when next we do battle
I will conquer all!

The price of love

2008-08-14T21:37:00.002+10:00

It's often said that it's difficult to place a value on love, but an original Love Song is apparently worth $20,000.

From the vault

2008-08-08T15:09:00.005+10:00

While sifting through all the notes and random scraps of paper which make up my poetry scrapbook, I came across this little scribbling. I thought I'd post it since it's a fairly accurate representation of the core from which most of my poems are constructed. It does feel worthy of further development, so keep an eye out for a more refined version in the near-ish future.

Autumn

2008-08-02T23:19:00.002+10:00

Autumn morn rises,
old leaf falls, "I love you so"
bitter coffee; cold.

(yes, I realise we are now well into Winter, but Autumn is just so much more awesome. That and snow falling has becomes a bit of a cliche... even more so than leaves falling)

Ten Things I Hate About World Youth Day

2008-07-16T21:10:00.003+10:00

The word 'youth' is terribly misleading. Christians are not representative of the world's youth and the use of such a word is a feeble attempt to make the event seem universal when really, non-christians (such as myself) really want nothing to do with the whole ordeal.
The use of the word 'day' is similarly misleading. Again, a feeble attempt to comfort Sydney siders. "It's okay, we won't be inconveniencing you for long. We'll only be here for 24 hours... give or take 6 days". Granted "WYW Syd" doesn't look nearly as cool, but I'm sure lying is some sort of sin.
The people attending have officially labeled themselves pilgrims. I don't mean that in a figurative sense either, they actually have passes with the words "Pilgrim Pass" printed on them. Real pilgrims walk because the suffering is supposed to bring spiritual enlightenment. WYD pilgrims take planes, trains and automobiles. Again, very misleading use of a good word.
In the spirit of multiculturalism and political correctness, I don't think it's particularly wise for a government to endorse a religious event, let alone siphon tax money to fund it.
Mass road closures that are causing an absolute headache on our already overcrowded roads. Can't leave them open because some crazy Christian kid might decide he has Christ on his side and walk across 6 lanes of peak hour traffic.
Our already overcrowded trains are now even more crowded. Fortunately, Cityrail have provided more services to help cope with the extra load. Unfortunately, these 'added' services are actually required to cope with the load every other day of the year. We need extra extra services.
I don't yell out "Satan" every few seconds and I expect you all to pay me the same courtesy and not yell out "Jesus" every few seconds. If not, I will rally a horde and stage a week long counter event to be known as WAW (World Atheist Week).
The constant assertion that the event is "just like the Olympics" and "the best thing that could possibly happen to Sydney". No, it is nothing remotely like the Olympics and quite frankly, the best thing for Sydney would be if the people making these assertions would leave Sydney.
The damage that will be done to the turf at Hyde Park which will take several months to repair after the masses (no pun intended) have left.
The Pope says, "Jump". Sydney says, "How high?"

Why do I disturb the universe?

2008-07-02T22:09:00.004+10:00

It's been a while, hasn't it? I have no excuse other than a bit of apathy and having nothing of real interest to say. I've simply been floating around in my own world again searching for something. But in a rather interesting change of perspective, I know the answer. I just wish I knew what the question was.

Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherised upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question …
Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit.

Once again, I question whether it is worth the madness and sleepness nights. Perhaps I should just accept the answer for what it is and not create questions to which I have no answer. But is it not human nature to question things? It is why we are never truly ignorant and why we will never be truly happy.

In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

Massive Attack - Protection

2008-05-21T22:44:00.002+10:00

This girl I know needs some shelter
She dont believe anyone can help her
Shes doing so much harm, doing so much damage
But you dont want to get involved
You tell her she can manage
And you cant change the way she feels
But you could put your arms around her
I know you want to live yourself
But could you forgive yourself
If you left her just the way
You found her

And since I'm feeling fairly cynical today, here's yet another piece of anti-Christian propaganda.

Throughout history, the 'truth' is always under the control of the dominant nations. Nations that win the wars are the ones who always seem to be the good guys because that's the way they wrote the history books. That got me thinking: why not apply this reasoning to the Bible? Afterall, the Christians insist that it's an accurate historical text. What if God was the one who usurped Satan from his throne in Heaven and rewrote the Bible to make himself seem to be the good guy?

Reasons

2008-05-15T19:15:00.001+10:00

“I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.” -Sir Stephen Henry Roberts

The Rant Post

2008-04-29T18:55:00.002+10:00

Rant 1: World Youth Day
I fully support the idea of a festival all about love and brotherhood and that warm fuzzy feeling. What I don't support is a festival that is all about love and brotherhood and that warm fuzzy feeling for a select few. Regardless of what the organisers of this event claim, this is not an event for all youths, it's an event for Christian youths. And let's face it, Christianity isn't exactly the most embracing religion when it comes to the beliefs of others. Gays and Muslims are a prime target for Christian damnation.

And as if to rub salt into the wound, the event is costing NSW taxpayers in excess of $86 million and will inevitably result in the closing of busy city roads. Surely, an event that is run for a minority should be paid for by that minority. I'm not saying that we shouldn't help minority groups (like indigenous Australians) with necessities for survival, but I see a great problem with supporting a minority group celebrate what is a discriminatory religion. And before anybody raises the point that we were more than happy to shell out for the 2000 Olympic Games, let me remind you that the Olympic Games was not a secular event and really did act in the spirit of creating that warm fuzzy feeling.

And in future, I wish people would stop referring to these Christian events as simply "youth festivals" as the name is both misleading and derogatory towards those of us who don't share the belief that the universe was created by a single being and that anyone who doesn't subscribe to the same belief needs to be saved.

Rant 2: Slow walkers
I'm willing to concede to the fact that some people are just naturally slow walkers because of disabilities, pregnancy or old age. And as far as I'm concerned, these people can be somewhat irritating to walk behind but I have no resentment towards them. Hell, I don't even mind people who are perfectly capable of walking at a normal speed who insist on meandering along as if strolling through a country estate. Most of them are kind enough and sensible enough to stick to the side of the footpath so that the rest of us can walk around them. What really gives me the shits is when these idiots decide it'd be a great idea to walk triple file, thus slowing down everyone, make it impossible to get around them without being hit by a car, causing massive pedestrian congestion, and making people miss their trains by mere seconds. You people know who you are. You deserve to be shot. Repeatedly.

Rant 3: People who have their music on loudspeaker
I hate it when people on the train have their phones on loudspeaker because they were just too damn lazy/cheap/dumb to bring headphones along and just couldn't survive a train trip without their music. I can live with it when people have it on loudspeaker but at least keep it at a volume so that only they and the people in their immediate vicinity can hear it. What I can't stand are people who insist on putting the music on full volume as if they're trying to recreate the doof-doof they get from the million watt speakers in their car so that everyone in their carriage as well as the adjoining carriages can hear it, despite their best efforts to drown it out with the music from their headphones.

And I seem to notice that every single person who has their music on full blast on public transport seems to listen to meaningless rnb dribble. I suspect that there is some correlation between stupid behaviour and bad taste in music (afterall, when was the last time somebody on a train had Tchaikovsky's violin concerto on loudspeaker?) but still have no proof to back this notion other than anecdotal evidence.

Switch your bloody speakers off. The train rides are painful enough already without you broadcasting the fact that your taste in music is bad (let's face it, it's effectively non-existent) to everyone else on the train.

Rant 4: Big Brother
An entertaining bunch of new housemates that are representative of the Australian population? I don't think so! Not unless all Australians are sex-starved idiots.

Rant 5: Peak hour trains
Why the hell does cityrail deem it a good idea to run all the 6 carriage trains during peak hour and run the 8 carriage trains the rest of the day? This wouldn't be a problem if there were more trains during peak hour. "Ooops!", says shittyrail, "I knew we forgot something..."

Rant 6: New assignment submission protocol
The psychology office has decided to change their perfectly functioning assignment submission protocol this year to one which they believe will be more efficient (or at least one that means staff don't have to do a damn thing). What this new system entails is dropping the assignments off into a box. How revolutionary of them!

When asked how we would prove that we handed it in should the office lose it, the reply was "When we receive your assignment, we'll put the date of receipt on your webCT page". Errr... that doesn't prove that we handed it in, you dumbasses, only that you actually got it. And given that the psychology office are infamous for misplacing assignments, I foresee a spectacular disaster in the near future.

Rant 7: Timbaland
The man has absolutely no musical talent whatsoever. The fact that 'Apologise' (which isn't a particularly brilliant song to begin with) is labeled as being 'Timbaland featuring One Republic' is a bloody insult to One Republic considering all Timbaland does is moan and groan in the background during the chorus. If I wanted to hear moaning and groaning, I'd go rent a porno.

Oh joy...

2008-04-27T18:40:00.002+10:00

According to Facebook, this is what the future has in store for me:

" You'll live in a shack. You make $100.00 a year. You don't own a car. Your job will be either ice cream vendor or garbage person. Your husband/wife: Fairly old, and very serious. There will be too many kids that you can't handle. Because of a disease, you will die when you're 50. But you'll make it to heaven!"

I find the last part particularly interesting. I promise to have a more substantial post up in the next couple of days. Just have to panic about this psychology report a little more.

Daydreaming

2008-03-06T22:08:00.004+11:00

I somehow managed to negotiate my way through the first week of uni despite feeling fairly lethargic and drowsy for the better part of it (I suspect this has something to do with my irregular sleeping patterns over the last three months) as well as frequently spacing out during lectures. The greatest challenge posed by the first week of uni is not having to re-adjust one's biological clock back to regular human settings, but rather finding ways to fill in the lengthy breaks between lectures left by the second week starts for tutorials. So to fill in the time, I've been sneaking off to my little sanctuary on campus and just doing a bit of uncensored writing. And it kept coming back to one thing. One name. And I wonder if this person is the reason for all the ventures away from reality. She is, after all, some what of a daydream in herself.

To be or not to be...

2008-02-25T18:42:00.002+11:00

Well, it's been a long time since I've blogged. Possibly the longest hiatus since I started in year 10 as a way to whittle away the early hours of morning. I have no real excuse for not blogging other than that I've just been too damn lazy and apathetic to do so. Of course, I've felt no need to use this blog as a place to vent because... well, being the holiday and all, everybody's got time aplenty to listen to my ranting and raving and general he-bitching. And after all this time, I wondered whether I still had it in me to continue blogging. I had planned to write up a eulogy and end the suffering of my poor neglected blog, but decided against it as uni is once again starting up which means I'll need a place to vent my spleen once again. Giving tree, thy name be blog.

I've been doing a great deal of thinking about what it is I've been doing and where it is that I want to go, eventually coming to the conclusion that I haven't the faintest clue. All my best laid plans in the past have all fallen through, usually the result of some rather amazingly outstanding circumstaces. With that experience in mind, I've decided that it doesn't particularly matter where I plan to go as long as I make the most of the insanity that happens along the way. After all, life without a pinch of randomness and a sprinkling of drama can hardly be called life.

I've also spent much time thinking about all the time I've spent without any real intimate relationship. My conclusion? That I'm better off waiting until I feel it's right and starting something that will last rather than diving head first into something that I'm going to regret afterwards. But then, that's the problem with relationships isn't it? It always feels right at the time because Cupid is such a cheeky, trigger happy little shit. And perhaps that's my problem. That I'm willing to wait. That I'm willing to be patient in this one thing where patience is perhaps not called for. Maybe it's time I roll the dice and see what comes up. With enough luck, I'll win the beauty pageant, end up directly at Mayfair and collect the spoils as I pass go. If not, I'll end up going to jail, directly to jail. In the end, it's just a game.

It looks so much worse on film...

2008-01-09T23:36:00.000+11:00

I went rock climbing the other day with some friends for Michael's birthday. At the centre there is a particular climb that involves climbing onto a platform about 8 metres above the ground and jumping to grab onto a trapeze handle about 2 metres away. Needless to say, my first attempt failed rather spectacularly, resulting in a full 360 degree backflip in mid-air. So I tried again, with similar, if somewhat less spectacular, results. Why try again? Well, for starters, the first attempt wasn't caught on video. I assure you, if it had been, there is no way in hell I would have gotten back up there.

The whole thing is so much scarier on video than it is dangling upside down in mid-air.

2008 Ain't Got Nothin' On Me

2008-01-02T10:50:00.001+11:00

Well well well... 2008 is finally upon us. Wondering what promises it holds, I recall having the exact thought a year ago. Like every other year, this one promises more productive times and happier days. And like every other year, this year is bound to disappoint.

After all, life itself is just one huge disappointment. Not a series of unfortunate events, but rather one monumentally unfortunate event. But there's nothing we can do about it so we should make the most of the hand dealt to us. After all, the joker's always smiling regardless of what it's dealt with.

So in 2008 dream as if you'll live forever and live as if you'll die tomorrow. Happiness is living in the present and damning the consequences.

Happy New Year everyone! May 2008 be at least a little less crappy than 2007.

The Return of the Muse

2007-12-19T14:38:00.000+11:00

To find things we never even thought to look for while seemingly unable to find the things which we so desperately seek. Is serendipity not the greatest irony of all?

My muse is at once omnipresent and elusive; concrete yet wispy. She comes and goes in her own whimsical way and once again, she has returned to me to be the words etched onto lavender scented parchment. Perhaps I'll ask her to stay this time.

wtf r u lol-ing abt u rtard?

2007-12-10T16:34:00.000+11:00

I forgot to mention it in the previous post but I did manage to complete my 50,000 word novel for this year's NaNoWriMo but the last 20,000 words or so is just me rambling on about totally random things (even more random than most of the stuff I ramble about here) in a manner best described as utterly incoherent. I do intend on fixing it up to at least a readable standard and will do so when I can be bothered (pronounced "don't hold your breath"). Anyway, onto today's rant...

Has anybody else noticed that the internet has taken over every facet of our lives? Now we can do all our shopping online, communicate with people online, read the newspaper online, attend university online, watch movies and television online, etc. We're so caught up in our virtual world that we can't seem to interact normally with reality anymore. I quite frequently hear children saying "LOL" and "ROFL" rather than actually laughing out loud or rolling on the floor as in on fire. This is alarming. Are we so used to utilising "lol" as our standard online chat response (something I'm shamefully guilty of myself) that we've transferred this to real life? So used to it that we've forgotten how to actually laugh? Even more alarming is when people say "sigh". That's right, they don't sigh anymore, they say "sigh". Then there are people who speak in acronyms. Yes, I understand that acronyms will often be faster than pronouncing entire words. Especially when said words may be a mouthful. But when the pronunciation of the acronym requires more effort than the actual words themselves, it hardly seems to make any sense. The most common example of this is when people say "double you tee eff". It's not as if people don't know what the acronym means. It makes me wonder what the f*ck people are thinking when they use an extra two syllables.

Also worrying me is the number of verbs suddenly appearing in the vernacular. These days we don't search for something random online. We "google it". We don't read shoddy inaccurate articles on an online encyclopedia about some new drunken bimbo. We "wiki it". We don't find stupid navigation instructions to some random location. We "whereis it". It gets even more fun when we start conjugating these noun-verbs into their various tenses.

Anyway, funny story. I loved whereising my way to new places so much I developed a callous from it. Thinking "WTF, this might be troublesome", I wikied up a page on callouses to find out how long it would last. And GG, I found out it would last up to six months but could be surgically removed. I intend to google the nearest clinic as soon as possible and have a doctor perform the surgery over the internet. LOL.

Yes, I am very bored...

2007-12-02T20:05:00.000+11:00

Three Names You Go By:
1. Aldo
2. Purple Gerbil
3. 666 Blessings

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Boxers
2. T-shirt
3.Too much hair gel

Three Things You Would Want in a Relationship:
1. Me
2. My muse
3. Romance

Three of Your Favorite Things to do:
1. Sleeping
2. Being a cynic about everything
3. Arguing with evangelists

Three Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment:
1. For this boredom to go away
2. For something better to blog about besides a stupid survey
3. My muse

Three pets you had/have:
1. A chihuahua cross which died of internal bleeding because my grandmother insisted on feeding it chicken bones
2. A small school of goldfish which died from unknown causes (although they did look quite zombie-like in their final days)
3. A hampster which I put into a cage after it found it's way into my backyard.

Three things you did last night:
1. Went to see 'The Sword of Alexander' at the Japanese Film Festival
2. Listened all the way through 'Inside In Inside Out'.
3. Pondered about various trivialities

Three things you ate today:
1. A triple cheeseburger (a.k.a. lard in a roll)
2. Roast duck (a.k.a. lard with wings)
3. A mostly frozen glass of iced coffee

Three people you Last Talked To:
1. Samantha
2. Monica
3. Dad

Three things you will do tomorrow:
1. Bitch, moan and whine about the sorry state of humanity
2. Get RSI from too much DS-ing
3. Erode whatever eyesight I have left with DVDs of old black and white movies

Three Favorite Holidays:
1. Talk like a pirate day
2. NYE
3. APEC holiday (if only because I got to have a bitch about the lockdown of the city)

Chapter 1: Of the Battle with Dracula, the Lord of Darkness

2007-11-22T15:03:00.000+11:00

Section 1

Lightning forked across the bat smothered sky. The whip felt heavy in my left hand, yet it somehow felt light at the same time. The whip passed down through generations of the Hellsing family. A family whose sole purpose was to slay Dracula, the Lord of Darkness, every hundred years when the gates of Hell open and his fragmented soul allowed to regather and inhabit the body of one of royal descent. His powers are vast; able to summon hordes of undead minions to do his bidding as well as having full control over the elements of fire and ice. It is said that the only weapon capable of defeating him is the Vampire Killer, the enchanted whip of the Hellsing family which is the only weapon capable of severing unholy spirits from their bodies.

My legs felt heavy from the running, my eyes blurred from the day’s killing, my arms sore from the repeated cracking of the whip, my whole body soaked in the blood and body fluids of the living dead. Each of their faces was different and I remembered each and everyone as though they were long lost friends. They were not quite human, nor were they beasts. They were a carnal blend of man, of beast, and of something unworldly. Yet, they were just human enough to be disturbing. Very very disturbing. That they were almost human, that they were able to smile (most likely at the thought of devouring me whole), that they wore an expression of utter shock as the soul was sucked from the body… that made them difficult to kill. But then I remembered: all humans are bastards. That made them nice and easy to kill. Especially the ones who resembled politicians, lawyers, actors who ruined my favourite classics in crappy remakes, Idol contestants who ruined my favourite songs with their garbage renditions, high school science/maths/drama teachers, my ex-wife, or my ex-wife’s lesbian partner who she refused to bring home with her. Oh, and before you mention it, I didn’t kill the ones who resembled any religious leaders. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it because…

…they were spiritual leaders and I had to save them and make them human again. àGo to section 2
…they didn’t deserve a swift death. àGo to section 3

Section 2

…they were spiritual leaders and the potential benefits of being able to save their souls and return them to their human form far outweighed the joy I would have derived from tearing them a new asshole. Besides, I had already killed a lot of people and someone had to clean up the mess, console the relatives and run the funeral services once I had completed my mission. I mean, you don’t expect me to do everything do you?

There was one more reason I opted against killing them. When I was a child my father left me to become a religious missionary and I desperately wanted to talk to him again. And we all know that the living dead don’t really say much. The only human-esque beings who speak less are the mute and the dead dead. Since he left when I was only three years of age, I had no memory of what he looked like so I had to spare all the missionaries and religious leaders just to make sure.

Hmmm… I digress. Where was I? Ah yes, I had to slay many undead minions before I could get to Dracula himself. What can I say, when you’re the head honcho of some plot to destroy the human race, you’re reasonably well protected by the unhuman beings who have been discriminated against by humans for years just because they look a bit deformed, smell a bit funny, eat human flesh and don’t have a pulse. They’re not that different really. Like I said, people are generally bastards. Anyway, after knocking off several thousand of his undead minions (and maiming thousands of religious leader look-alike undead minions), I finally arrived at the large iron door of Dracula’s keep. I could sense his evil presence behind the door. The stench of evil-ness penetrated my senses, so thick was the evil-ness that I could taste it on my tongue. It was a very difficult taste to describe, so I’ll just say that it tasted like…

…chicken because everything tastes like chicken except for chicken. àGo to section 4
…an English toffee milkshake with some pizza added to get the taste just right. àGo to section 5

Section 3

…those bastards don’t deserve an afterlife so I left them to live an eternal life as a mindless undead. I did see it fit to remove a few of their limbs though. Just to satisfy my own morbid curiousities. Besides, if there really is a God, I’m sure he/she/it would find some creative way to save them. These people didn’t need my help. Not as far as they were concerned anyway. Although, I suppose it hard to be concerned about anything when you’re undead and you’re at the call and beckon of the Lord of Darkness. I mean, what the hell sort of God lets his people become the minions of the Lord of Darkness? There can’t possible be a god. And if there is, he must be some huge coward. We’d be better off having a giant purple hippo protecting our souls from the liv…

…chicken because everything tastes like chicken except for chicken. àGo to section 4
…an English toffee milkshake with some pizza added to get the taste just right. àGo to section 5

Section 4

…chicken. Very very evil chicken. As in the kind of chicken that’s come back from the dead missing several limbs to get revenge for being deep fried and served with chips and a Pepsi, both upsized for the small price of one dollar thirty. But that’s not to say Dracula was a chicken. Oh no. He was far more powerful and lethal than any chicken I had ever seen. The only things he had in common with a chicken was that he also walked with an odd head bobbing movement, he also clucked and he also laid eggs. The eggs, I was told by one of the undead minions, were made of gold like those of the magical goose. But that’s just ridiculous. Everybody knows that there are no such things as magical creatures. Least of all golden geese. They’re just a figment of our imagination, much like good will, the truth and love.

Anyway, I had given quite a bit of thought about how I was going to enter Dracula’s keep while I was in jail. After mulling over the options, I decided that making a grand entrance into Dracula’s keep before promptly kicking his ass was the way to go. And the grandest way I could think of was to…

…blow the door wide open with C4 charges then lob a smoke grenade in and charge in guns blazing through the smoke. àGo to section 6
…put on some cavalry charge music, ride in on a tank and either blow the door to hell with the cannon or bulldoze it to hell. àGo to section 7

Section 5

…an English Toffee milkshake with extra pizza added to get the flavour just right. Yes, I was rather hesitant about trying it the first time as well but it actually tastes remarkably wonderful. My theory is that all foods are either good for you or they taste good. After drinking the milkshake, I fell violently ill with stomach cramps and diarrhea so it couldn’t possibly have been good for me. In fact, it proved to be rather detrimental to my health so it must have tasted really good. Of course, there are some foods which taste bad and are bad for you, and some which taste good and are good for you but these are very few in number and the probability of anything belonging into either of these categories is negligible so logically, English toffee and pizza milkshakes must taste good and be bad for you.

…blow the door wide open with C4 charges then lob a smoke grenade in and charge in guns blazing through the smoke. àGo to section 6
…put on some cavalry charge music, ride in on a tank and either blow the door to hell with the cannon or bulldoze it to hell. àGo to section 7

Section 6

…blow the door wide open with C4 charges then lob a smoke grenade in and charge in guns blazing through the smoke. Of course, as luck would have it, my eBay account had been suspended and I couldn’t purchase the goods I needed for that. So, I decided I’d do it the old fashioned way. Kick the door down and yell something stupid as I barged in. Caught in the spur of the moment and totally hyped up about giving Dracula a good spanking like he’s never had, I didn’t notice the door was solid iron. Not until I kicked it and broke my foot anyway. Despite my broken foot, the door remained closed. I kicked it several more times, completely shattering my foot in the process. In sheer desperation, I grabbed at the door knob. It turned in my hand and the door swung open. As it did, what I saw terrified me. The blood drained from my face and I became as pale as a shirt cleaned with bleach. There was…

…another iron door. à Go to section 8
…Dracula. Duh! What else would you expect to find in Dracula’s keep? à Go to section 9
…my mother... à Go to section 10

Section 7

…put on some cavalry charge music, ride in on a tank and either blow the door to hell with the cannon or bulldoze it to hell while yelling something stupid. Of course, I realized that I had no idea where the hell I was going to get a tank from short of raiding a military base which would probably require several tanks to pull off anyway. So I decided that the next best thing would be to blow the door wide open with C4 charges then lob a smoke grenade in and charge in guns blazing through the smoke. Of course, as luck would have it, my eBay account had been suspended and I couldn’t purchase the goods I needed for that. So, I decided I’d do it the old fashioned way. Kick the door down and yell something stupid as I barged in. Caught in the spur of the moment and totally hyped up about giving Dracula a good spanking like he’s never had, I didn’t notice the door was solid iron. Not until I kicked it and broke my foot anyway. Despite my broken foot, the door remained closed. I kicked it several more times, completely shattering my foot in the process. In sheer desperation, I grabbed at the door knob. It turned in my hand and the door swung open. As it did, what I saw terrified me. The blood drained from my face and I became as pale as a shirt cleaned with bleach. There was…

…another iron door. à Go to section 8
…Dracula. Duh! What else would you expect to find in Dracula’s keep? à Go to section 9
…my mother… à Go to section 10

Section 8

...another iron door. Which was just f*cking perfect because I had exactly one more foot to shatter to hell. But then I figured, it might be easier to fight Dracula if I actually had full use of most of my limbs. I mean, with one foot broken, I could still hop around but if I were to shatter both feet, I’d be screwed for sure. I needed to find something else to use something else. Something I wouldn’t be using in the fight against Dracula. Then it hit me, I could …

…use my left shoulder. After all, I only need one arm to use the whip. àGo to section 11
…use my head. Literally. After all, it’s not as if my brain actually functions. àGo to section 12
…knock on the door and hope Dracula has the common courtesy to open it. àGo to section 13

Section 9

...Dracula. Duh! What else would you expect to find in Dracula’s keep? Anyway, I call to him, “Bring it on you pussy! I’ll tear you a new asshole and send your sorry bloodsucking ass back to Hell!”

“You have no idea who you’re dealing with child. Surrender now and I shall make you one of my generals.”

“Never! Do you see what I have in my hand here? It’s the Hellsing whip.”

“Preposterous! You look nothing like a Hellsing!”

“Ever heard of plastic surgery? God, where have you been for the last 100 years?”

“I’ve been in Hell for the last 100 years”

“Oh, right…”

“So you won’t surrender then?”

“Hell no! Why should I surrender when I have the power to kick your ass a hundred times over?” à Go to section 14
“Of course I’ll surrender! I broke my foot trying to get through that door. There’s no way I could beat you in this state” à Go to section 15

Section 10

…my mother… making out with Dracula. The sight is so horrid that I am forced to remove a fragment of bone from my broken foot and use it to gouge my eyes out. I die a slow and painful death from bleeding through my eye sockets. Which is just as well because I won’t be alive to witness the moment my mother gives birth to a mini-Dracula.

Oh, and for the record, the army come in soon after my death and bomb Dracula’s castle, killing him, my mother and everything else inside. So despite my death, the rest of the human race lives on and makes many more series of Big Brother. Hmmm… I guess dying wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

The End.

Section 11

…my left shoulder. After all, I only need one arm to use the whip. So I took a couple of steps back to give me room for a run up and charged at the door with my left shoulder. The door gave way on the first attempt but, like with my foot, my left shoulder got pretty hammered. In fact, it was so screwed up that my entire left arm was just dangling from the socket. Standing before me as the door swung open was none other than Dracula, the Lord of Darkness himself. I call to him, “Bring it on you pussy! I’ll tear you a new asshole and send your sorry bloodsucking ass back to Hell!”

“You have no idea who you’re dealing with child. Surrender now and I shall make you one of my generals.”

“Never! Do you see what I have in my hand here? It’s the Hellsing whip.” I tried to raise the whip to strike a pose of defiance but I had completely shattered my whipping arm charging down the door. This was not looking particularly bright.

“Ha! What good is the whip if you can not wield it? Foolish child! Perhaps I shall tear YOU a new asshole!”

With that, he summoned a storm of bats at me. Unable to use the whip to defend myself, I was torn a new asshole and slowly and painfully bled to death. All because you were too damn stupid to realize that my left arm was the one I needed to use the whip. I mentioned it in the second sentence. And if you missed that, the fact that I bothered to mention which shoulder I was going to use should have been a give away that something was up. I hope my death rests on your conscience for all eternity.

The End.

Section 12

…my head. After all, it’s not as if my brain actually functions. So I backed up several steps to give myself room for a run up and charged at the door head first. The door doesn’t break so I line myself up for another charge. This time, the door does swing wide open but only after I’ve knocked myself unconscious. When I came to, I no longer had control of my body.

“HAHAHAHAH! Your soul is mine now!”

And that’s how it ends. Dracula has taken control of my body and now uses it for his evil purposes. He no longer has any need for his minions because he is now in possession of the only weapon that can kill him and with his power transforms it into a whip capable of stealing the souls of the living and feeding them to the wielder of the whip. And so the human race is wiped out and Dracula eventually absorbs enough souls to become powerful enough to overthrow god and becomes the ruler of the universe.

When people say to use your head, they don’t mean it literally you fool. Use your head before making such stupid decisions like using your head next time.

The End.

Section 13

…knock on the door and hope Dracula has the common courtesy to open it. Nobody answers so I assume Dracula isn’t at home at the moment because I’m sure he’d open the door to let me in if he was. I return the day after and knock on the door once more. Once again, nobody answers the door so I leave. The day after I return and knock on the door once more. Still nobody answers. Needing to slay Dracula now because I had a vacation tomorrow, I persisted knocking. After several minutes my knuckles are raw and I take a few steps back to prepare to charge at the door. Just as I was about to collide with the door and knock it off it’s hinges, the door opens and I am sent sprawling into the room. I collide into someone on the way in and he looks at me, dazed.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing? Barging in like that? You could have hurt someone”. The man is wearing a cape and is rather pasty looking, as if he has never seen a day of sunlight. Could this be Dracula?

“Are you Dracula?”

“No, I’m Vlad the Impaler. Dracula lives in Transylvania”.

“I thought this was Transylvania”

“No no, this is Little Transylvania. Transylvania is six hundred kilometers south from here”.

“Oh, thank you”.

Feeling like a total idiot for wasting several days knocking on the wrong door, I conceded that I had failed in my mission. I went home, packed my bags and left for Hawaii the next day. Soon after, the planet was plunged into eternal darkness and the entire human race was wiped out. But hey, I died with a nice tan and a pina colada in my hand. And everybody died happily ever after.

The End.

Section 14

“Hell no! Why should I surrender when I have the power to kick your ass in a hundred times over?”

“Very well, foolish child. Prepare to suffer an eternity of pain.” With that, he charged at me. Before he could reach me, I lashed out with the whip. But nothing happened. He seemed to be immune to the whip’s powers and removed my whipping arm with a single swift slashing motion. I hollered in pain as the blood spurt from the socket where my arm once was.

“Why? Why didn’t the whip have any effect on you?”

“Foolish child, that is not the whip of the Hellsing family. Have a look at the handle of the whip”.

“It says ‘Hellsing’. I used it to kill all your minions. What else could this be but the whip of the Hellsing family?”

“Look closer, fool. You were never going to defeat me with that whip”

I picked up my left arm from the floor, wrenched the whip from it and examined the handle of the whip more closely. I realized then that I was in a whole world of shit. In ultra fine print under the word Hellsing were the words “this whip is a replica and will defeat all undead beings except for vampires. Mattel toy co. accepts no responsibility for any death that may occur as the result of attempting to banish vampires using this product”. At that moment I spotted my reflection in the mirror and the image of me missing an arm was too much. Combined with the utter irony of the whip, I just couldn’t help but laugh. I guess it was a defence mechanism.

“Why are you laughing human? Stop this laughing immediately!” I couldn’t help myself. The laughter was uncontrollable.

“No… this can’t be! My one other weakness. How did you knowwwwwwwww?!?!?!?!?!?”. As he was making his final death throes Dracula turned into a pillar of salt and disintegrated. And with that the sun came up outside, everything sprang back to life and the castle collapsed, crushing me to death. It seems that Dracula’s power was the only thing keeping the decrepit castle from falling to pieces. Well, I may have died but at least I saved the world and all of humanity. Maybe they’ll give me a spectacular sepulcher or name a day after me or something. On second thoughts, I saved the human race… including lawyers and politicians. They might have been better off with Dracula as the ruler. “Oh well, not my problem”, I thought to myself as the last breath was squeezed out of me.

The End.

Section 15

“Of course I’ll surrender! I broke my foot trying to get through that door. There’s no way I could beat you in this state”

“Very well. Join me, my dark prodigy and together we shall rule the world. Muahahahahahaha!”

And with that, I became Dracula’s right hand man, issuing orders to his minions on his behalf and reigning as King of the Day while Dracula ruled the night. It was a beautiful friendship that lasts to this very day. Eventually, I taught Dracula the power of generousity and he started being a good fair ruler. And everyone lived happily ever after.

…

You didn’t really believe that any story ending with Dracula living could possibly end with universal happiness did you? The reality of the situation was that we ruled together, I the day and he the night. Eventually, the power I received from Dracula corrupted my soul and I could do little but lust for the flesh of young virgins. Once I ran out of virgins to consume, I turned to children. Once I ran out of children I took to consuming men and the geriatric. But my hunger was insatiable and soon, the entire human race was wiped out. I began cannibalizing my undead brothers and eventually devoured myself in a blind fit of hunger. Serves me right for joining forces with Dracula when I could have defeated him.

The End.

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most

2007-11-21T23:46:00.000+11:00

Indeed, I do miss my mind. If it was still in my possession, I wouldn't have started NaNoWriMo 10 days before it's due. I probably wouldn't have signed up for it in the first place. But here I am, on the verge of the most challenging writing task I have yet to face. So, the challenge I have set myself this year: to write a story about a vampire slayer who at some point ends up in a courtroom drama situation. I had initially planned to write the story in reverse chronology. But then I figured that's been done to death courtesy of Hollywood. So I decided I'd alternate chapter between the start of the story and the end of the story so that the final chapter is the middle of the story. Then I figured if I was going to go that far, I may as well go all the way. Which is why I am doing this year's NaNoWriMo entry as a choose your own adventure.

So keep an eye out for 'Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most' (working title) - a satirical choose your own vampire slayer/courtroom adventure.

Fence Pales and Collatareal Damage

2007-11-14T21:51:00.000+11:00

With one exam to go, I find that my mind has already gone on vacation and left me behind to deal with it on my own. Of course, I already have the marks for a pass and the exam is just a formality but that doesn't make it any less annoying. After all, there are few things worse than waking up for something that is neither fun nor meaningful.

While trawling through the internet looking for ways to pass the next few months I came across the following quote from Marguerite Duras (French novelist/playwright): "The best way to fill time is to waste it". What poignant words, I thought. After all, does time not exist solely for the sake of wasting? If not, then what? To use constructively for the betterment of mankind? I scoff as such a notion. Almost every attempt to better the lives of people has turned around to bite us in the ass. Examples of such attempts include: the car which is now causing so much pollution that some cities have days where the visibility is next to nil, the cigarette which is the number one cause of lung cancer, and let's not forgetthe television which is effectively the number one cause of obesity. In contrast, those who sit by and do diddly squat don't contribute to the growing pains of society.

While some may argue that apathy is detrimental and counterproductive, I disagree with this claim. I believe that only partial apathy is detrimental. Complete and utter apathy, on the other hand, produces rather favourable outcomes. For example: someone is watching TV and, due to a clever piece of advertising, suddenly develops a craving for pizza and deep fried cheese logs. The partial apathist wants the food and doesn't really care that it's clearly going to cause some bowel irregularities, so he drives out to get it. A slightly more apathetic person would not even be bothered to drive out to get it and would instead pick up the phone and have heart-attack-in-a-box delivered. The complete apathist would not even bother acting on this craving at all, reasoning that picking up the phone on the table right next to him is too much effort. So you see, it is not apathy which is dangerous, but those who are apathetic towards apathy and take the middleground that are troublesome.

The conclusion? The middleground is dangerous because that's where you're most likely to be shot at by both sides. The fence is a dangerous place to be sitting. Especially if said fence happens to have barbed wire running along the top (which many fences in today's paranoid society do have) or if said fence happens to be of the electric variety. Be an extremist, whether it be extremely conservative or extremely extreme. It's certainly better than attempting to
dodge two-way gunfire while simultaneously trying to remove a fence pale from your nether regions.

A Dream Within A Dream

2007-11-12T22:25:00.000+11:00

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

-Edgar Allan Poe

Here we go again...

2007-10-31T22:16:00.000+11:00

So, once again, stuvac is upon us. And we all know what that means... That's right, studying! *insert nervous cough here*. Or not. It should mean studying. After all, stuvac is short for study vacation (which is a pretty crappy vacation really). Quite frankly, I have selective thinking which means I'm perfectly capable of ignoring things I don't like and that means the 'study' part of stuvac. I've spent the past couple of days staring at various screens. Re-watching the Godfather trilogy because it's just total awesomeness (even the much maligned third one is pretty good compared to most of the junk at cinemas these days), staring mindlessly at my computer minotor in the hope that someone will start some inane conversation with me on MSN or staring at my DS screen as I try to solve the increasingly bizarre cases in Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney. The one thing I should be staring at but haven't been is the pile of lecture notes and textbooks on my desk (okay, I lie. The books were on my desk. They are now in a nice tidy pile in the corner of my room.)

Other activities that I have partaken in in a desperate attempt to avoid having to do any sort of study include:

purchasing and constructing a large bookshelf (in hindsight, it would have been easier to construct it in my room rather than just outside my room. I figured it'd be easier since it was a bit roomier outside.)
arranging all the junk in my room onto said bookshelf (which entailed sifting through the piles of junk which had accumulated in my old shelves, and arranging my books and dvds in alphabetical order)
vacuuming the house (twice)
playing one man scrabble (which is even geekier than playing scrabble with someone else)
arranging my deck of uno cards (by number, by colour, and by alphabetical order)
arranging my deck of playing cards
attempting to juggle cutlery... and failing miserably
wandering down to the local shopping centre for no reason in particular
sleeping (one of my personal favourites)
reading the dozen odd books on my shelf that I bought but never got around to reading, none of which are related to what I'm doing at uni
thinking of ways to avoid having to do any real study

Smiling Like An Idiot

2007-10-21T19:56:00.000+10:00

Just a short list of ten things that have made me smile lately to remind myself that happiness comes in all forms.

Playing attorney and yelling "OBJECTION!" loudly into my DS speaker. Feels amazingly wonderful to do this regardless of what sorts of odd looks people give me.
The tour t-shirt that reminds me that I saw Linkin Park live at the Sydney Entertainment centre.
The ringing in my ears that reminds me of just how damn awesome the concert was.
Physically getting my hands on one of those skilltester machine claws which was stupid enough to stray down into the prize chute. Unfortunately, I didn't have a camera on me that day but it was smilingly good fun none the less.
Seeing my little cousins again, who are no longer so little.
Taking a nap under the jacaranda tree in the quad. Without being shot at by campus security.
The various stuffed toys I've won from Capitol Square, including a a pair of mushroom slippers, a Yoshi, and a Garfield in wedding gear.
Strolling through Victoria Park by myself in light rain.
The fourth season of House on TV without a several month delay behind US airing.
Thinking about the stupid grin I will have on my face as I desperately try to complete my NaNoWriMo entry for this year with only hours to spare.

It's been a while...

2007-10-16T20:39:00.000+10:00

Yes, it has been a rather long lay off between blog posts. Apologies to anybody who still checks here in the hope of seeing something new but I really have been up to my neck in preoccupations or otherwise having no access to a computer. Let me recap what it is I've been up to the last month and a bit.

Mid-ish September: working on English assignment, working on psychology report (I don't even recall which one anymore, I think it was something to do with randomness), and planning my birthday party/bbq (which turned out rather comically. I'll explain later).

Sep. 26 - Oct. 1: flew down to Melbourne over the mid-semester break for my cousin's wedding. Spent most of the time playing pool and baby sitting little cousins. Only had access to a computer with functioning internet and time to myself for about half an hour.

Oct. 2 - now: frantically working on essays and reports galore. English essay due first day back from Melbourne, philosophy essay due last Wednesday, social psychology report due last Friday and cognitive psychology report due yesterday.

Anyway, as most of you know (and probably don't care) my birthday was on September 23 and I figured it'd be a good idea to have a bit of a bbq/party thingy to celebrate. Since I couldn't be bothered cleaning up my house afterwards (I was up until 3 or 4 cleaning up after NYE last year) I opted to have it at Bicentennial Park. Problem: I failed to account for the stupidly large number of people who would be there due to the start of school holidays. Damn kids. As a result of this lack of foresight on my behalf, we were unable to find a usable bbq. Fortunately, Haidang's place wasn't too far away so we just crashed his place and highjacked his bbq for the afternoon. Many thanks for that, buddy. Hope we didn't leave too much of a mess. A very late thanks also to everyone who chipped in for the wonderful presents (which included a funky clock with pigs on it, a can of instant coffee packets, Shakespeare's complete works in one volume, a copy of Pan's Labyrinth, King Kong computer game, 'A congaline of suckholes', 'A short history of nearly everything, a single Toad slipper, a few boxes of chocolate, two bottles of wine, and a bottle of whiskey). Unfortunately, I misplaced the list of who gave me what but you know who you are and I love you all *eyes water*. What? I'm not crying... *blows nose*.

Not much to report about my trip to Melbourne except that despite the weather being utterly miserable from the moment I got off the plane, it managed to hold out and play (mostly) nice for my cousin's big day. Everybody looked absolutely beautiful, especially Ken and Carol (the groom and bride, respectively). As Linh (my other cousin, getting married in January) observed, "No matter who's wedding it is, it's always just our side of the family up there dancing the whole night". The only other thing worthy of mention is that Jetstar is shit. Not only do they not feed you or give you headsets for the flight, the airport they use in Melbourne (Avalon) is an utter shitbox about an hour away from anything remotely resembling civilisation. And by shitbox, I mean it's a warehouse with a runway attached to it.

Assignments... well, I left them all to the last minute as always. And they were all packed full of bullshitty goodness. Despite frequently telling myself that I would not leave things to the last minute and do the research etc., I'm still concocting bullshit and getting away with it. And as long as I'm getting away with it, I see no real reason to change. Old habits die hard.

Anyway, I'll be back tomorrow after House to blog a bit more. Hopefully about something more interesting than my dreary life. 'Till then, ye faithful...

Happiness is...

2007-09-10T20:37:00.000+10:00

Solving all the puzzles in the SMH. ^^. Muffins for everyone.

Best Part Of The Day

2007-08-22T16:39:00.000+10:00

Scene - reasonably empty City Rail train on a rainy Sydney morning

Old lady 1: Gee, it's cold today, isn't it?
Old lady 2: Mmmhmm. I'm looking forward to a hot cup of coffee.
Old lady 1: Best part of the day...

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah

2007-08-19T19:11:00.000+10:00

There is an advertisement on the radio trying to sell some sort of car. I believe it to be a Jeep or a Landrover or something equally impractical. Regardless of what it was selling, I thought the way it presented the 'great for everyone' sale's pitch was quite clever. The script went something like this (with rather inaccurate details, but the jist is the same):

Voiceover: What you hear at the car dealership...
Car salesman: Eight speaker sound system, six speed manual or five speed automatic, 18 inch alloys and a 3.6L V6 for the low price of blah blah blah blah
Voiceover: What your wife hears...
Car salesman: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah low price of $39,990

While it did take the notion of selective hearing to absurd extremes, it did raise an interesting question. Just what is it that makes males and females so different from each other that we sometimes seem to speak totally different languages? Surely, it's not solely the work of biological factors and hormones? Perhaps it boils down to long established gender stereotypes. That men are looking for bigger toys louder grunts. That women are hopelessly drawn to something with 'sale' stamped on it. That men do not give a damn about price. That women pay no attention to function (hence the alarming number of mini skirts worn in the middle of winter). That neither sees what the other sees, especially when looking at the same thing.

But if neither understands the other, why is it that humans are attracted to the opposite sex? Freud believed it was an innate drive to promote the survival of the race but, like everything else I've learnt in psychology, this is a rather airy fairy theory with no real evidence (besides, would you really believe someone whose name looks like the word fraud?). Some people think we're attracted to things that we don't understand because of the sense of mystery and adventure. Which makes sense because after marriage (i.e. after the mystery and adventure is replaced with nausea and contempt), 45% of the time the next step is divorce. Of course, the obvious counter to this is the racism argument: that we are all innately racist (some more than others) because we fear those that we do not understand. Does that then make homosexuals the only sane ones because they stick with what they comprehend (slightly better)?

Anyway, to end this little rant, here's a short video (thanks to Cyd for sharing) which is a representation of opposite sex interaction which is simultaneously amusing, alarming and accurate.

Things to try before the year dies

2007-08-08T22:15:00.000+10:00

First of all, I'd like to apologise for my lengthy blogging absence. I've been preoccupied sorting out my increasingly interesting (pronounced: 'chaotic') life and I haven't really had time to tihnk of anything particularly witty or profound to discuss. This post isn't particularly clever either (at least not that I know of) and it's really more of a consolation until I'm done concocting my next piece of anti-christ rhetoric. Anyway, let's get on with the show shall we?

At the beginning of every year, I make a list of things I'd like to acomplish for the year. It's not really a set of New Year's resolutions as such because none of them are about self improvement and most of them are quite trivial and trite in the grand scheme of things. But these are the little things that I enjoy and make me smile every day. And now that we're well past the half way mark, I decided to dig up the list and see what I've accomplished, almost accomplished and haven't given a second thought to.

Complete a cryptic crossword - I got oh-so-close sometime back in about April when I was one answer short of completing the damn thing. Still doing these almost every day with varying degrees of success. Definitely crackable if I happen to get an easier one on one of the few days when my brain is switched on.
Complete every puzzle in the SMH - okay, so this is never going to happen without completing the first goal but I did get very very close as well. 4 cryptic answers and about 3 target words short of completion (yes, I managed to solve the word wit).
Compose a major work - was going to co-write a 20,000 word script during semester one break as part of Scritpfrenzy but that sort of fell through. Looking forward to participating in NaNoWriMo again this year so expect another lengthy garbage-filled rant around November. Also contemplating composing a suite of poetry over the summer break.
Go to a live concert - hasn't happened yet but I will be going to see Linkin Park in October. There goes another $99 (or 33 cups of coffee seeing as that's where most of my money seems to be going these days).
Write a letter - emails don't really count so this still stays on the list of stuff I need to do. I never did specify who the letter should be too (I think it was implied that it'd be some form of romantic confession but that option flew out the window about a month ago). Maybe I'll just write a reminder to myself or something...
Stand on a soapbox and yell out dumb stuff - not quite a soapbox, but I did have a bit of a rant from a balcony.
Get rid of those bookmarks - no, not just get rid of them as in throw them out. I've made a rather bad habit out of not completing novels. I'm currently about 5 or 6 chapters into about 10 different books. Was going to sort out this little issue during my break but ended up blinding myself via 10 hour DOTA sessions.
Perfect a poem - I don't think I've ever really taken the time to re-visit any of the poetry I write and it'd be nice to go back and refine something to the point where it's up to scratch with T.S. Eliot.
Argue with an evangelist - joy of joys. I haven't been approached by nearly as many evangelists this year. I can think of a few reasons for this: I don't hang around Wentworth nearly as much as I used to, they've learnt their lesson and I'm officially blacklisted, VSU has cut funding to their nefarious operations. If worse comes to worst I'll go around and try to get people to subscribe to my purple hippo theory.
Hit a six in cricket - I actually accomplished. =D. I am now the only person to have hit a six during our friendly holiday matches.
Complete a game - not one, but three games so far =D. Of course, it helps a lot that the games in question are shorter because they're all on DS. But I'm considering this done. I'll get around to finishing a Final Fantasy game sometime.
Start a dvd collection - while my bookshelf isn't losing weight at all, my dvd collection is bulking up quite nicely (at the expense of my rapidly starving back account). So far this year I have purchased: Ren and Stimpy boxed sets (seasons 1-4), The Godfather trilogy (boxed set), Rocky anthology (boxed set), Hellsing (boxed set), Who Framed Roger Rabbit?; and Amadeus amongst a few others. Slowly ticking all those movies off my list. Very, very slowly.
Try some new food - reasonably self explanatory. I've tried quite a few new things this year and it's mostly been pretty good. *thumbs up*
Everything on the GJ menu - yup, that's right. Drink everything on the GJ menu at least once. I'm almost done with this one. Just the ristretto and chai latte to go.
Bake a cake - from scratch. I've made plenty of cakes using those premixed things. The last time I baked something was back in high school where we made ANZAC cookies. I vaguely recall my batch coming out a tad soggy.
Crack 7000 in solitaire - yeah, it's long been a goal of mine to crack the 7000 point mark in solitaire. And guess what? Not only have I cracked 7k, I cracked 8k and I almost cracked 9k (8909 to be exact).

Semester One Results

2007-07-18T18:34:00.000+10:00

ENGL	1015	Inventing Modernity	66.0	Credit
PHIL	2623	Moral Psychology	71.0	Credit
PSYC	2011	Brain and Behaviour	66.0	Credit
PSYC	2012	Statistics & Research Methods for Psych	69.0	Credit

There you have it. Credits across the board. Nothing spectacular, but at the same time nothing too disastrous considering the (lack of) effort put into most of the assessments.

They say that...

2007-07-17T20:51:00.000+10:00

... to live is to love. If that is the truth of everything, I had best take care for oft have I denied my own existence.

Rinoa's Monologue

2007-07-12T20:21:00.000+10:00

I'll be here,
Why?
I'll be...waiting...here,
For what?
I'll be waiting...for you...so
If you come here,
You'll find me.
I Promise.

Just. One.

2007-07-10T02:28:00.000+10:00

He had tried crying himself to sleep, but there was only one teardrop on the pillowcase. Just. One. Single. Teardrop. It was all that he could manage after all the disappointments of the past. If only he had another teardrop. Just. One. More. Teardrop. He would sit them side by side. Perhaps they'd form a heart. Or perhaps they'd meld together and become one. Just. One. Single. Teardrop. One. Single. Disappointment.

Not Quite Right

2007-07-09T20:27:00.000+10:00

The song didn't sound quite right. It was one of those days. He scrunched up the letter. He couldn't find the right words to say what he meant. Not when he didn't know what it was he meant. "Everything will be just fine. Everything will be alright", he tells himself, though he doesn't believe it.

I'm Worried...

2007-07-08T01:09:00.000+10:00

...about something, but what I do not know. I just feel a sense of unease, as though disappointment is impending.

Ouch! My Head!

2007-07-01T22:46:00.001+10:00

My head is in considerable pain at the moment because of a rather large-ish bump. And while I'd love to say that it was the result of being hit in the head by a cricket ball while going for a diving catch or the result of domestic violence or something else equally dramatic, the truth is... well... more in line with an old slapstick comedy. While putting the freshly cleaned clothes from my bed into my closet, one of my pairs of socks fell off the pile. So naturally, I bent over to pick it up. Unfortunately, while said socks were dropping I already had one hand on the closet door. As I bent over to pick up the socks, I stupidly pulled the door open anyway. The result could be best summarised by the word 'ouch' (any of the vast range of expletives would also fit in quite nicely).

And the moral of the story is that multitasking should be reserved solely for computers (or at least for a time when you're not brain dead and partially drunk).

NZ won't allow '4real' as child's name

2007-06-21T22:53:00.000+10:00

New Zealand authorities have blocked a couple's bid to officially name their new son "4real," saying numeral are not allowed.

Pat and Sheena Wheaton said they decided to name their new baby "4real" shortly after glimpsing him for the first time as a foetus during an ultrasound examination and being struck by the reality of his impending arrival.

"For most of us, when we try to figure out what our names mean, we have to look it up in a babies book and ... there's no direct link between the meaning and the name," Pat Wheaton told TV One.

"With this name, everyone knows what it means."

But when the parents filed the name with New Zealand's Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages, they were told names beginning with a number were against the rules.

The government office has opened negotiations with the parents about the name under a policy that says all unusual names must be given case-by-case consideration.

"The name has not at this stage been rejected," Registrar-General Brian Clarke said in a statement.

"We are currently in discussions with the parents ... to clarify the situation."

Clarke said the rules were designed to prevent names that are "likely to cause offence to a reasonable person".

Satan and Adolf Hitler were proposed names that have been declined, he said.

If no compromise has been reached by July 9, the baby will be registered as "Real" officials say.

New Zealand law requires all children born in the South Pacific nation to be registered with the Births, Deaths and Marriages registry within two months of birth.

From: Yahoo7News

That was just so incredibly amusing I just had to share. On a totally unrelated note, this is post #200 on this blog ^^. Congratulations <<~Wakarimasen!~>> *cue fanfare, streamers, cheering and champagne*

Mind Games: the art of passing exams without studying

2007-06-20T21:56:00.000+10:00

First of my end of semester exams tomorrow and I'm in a rather alarming state of calm (as always). Even more so than usual. Why? Because I actually attended almost all of my lectures this semester (started slacking off a bit in the last fortnight but I attribute that entirely to assignment related sleep deprivation). In addition to this (nearly) perfect attendence (which is rather disgusting in hindsight), I've also made a vast improvement to my studying habits. Rather than having a skim of an entire semester's worth of work an hour before the exam begins, I managed to read over the lecture notes properly... a whole DAY before the exam. Okay, I'll admit, it's still not ideal but it's definitely an improvement. Who knows, maybe next semester I'll actually get some studying done during stuvac. I'll probably skim the notes the hour before the exam anyway (in desperately optimistic hope that some of the information will stick) because that's just what I do. And of course, there'll be the customary sudoku, crossword, etc. in the last couple of minutes before the exam because it calms the nerves and I also find that it makes the people around me very edgy.

My other exams are Engl1015 (Inventing Modernity) on Saturday (YES, F*CKING SATURDAY!) and Psyc2012 (Statistics and Research Methods in Psychology) on Monday, after which I will be free to start on my Scriptfrenzy entry. 20, 000 words in 5 days? (or rather 10,000 words since I've buddied up with Samantha on this). Piece of cake.

In the immortal words of Alfred E. Neuman, "What? Me worry?".

Note To Self

2007-06-16T21:47:00.000+10:00

I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off. I must not slack off.

Vienna Teng - Recessional

2007-06-09T14:54:00.004+10:00

"It's so beautiful here", she says, "this moment now."
And this moment, now.
And I never thought I would find her here:
Flannel and satin, my four walls transformed.
But she's looking at me, straight to center,
No room at all for any other thought.
And I know I don't want this.
Oh I swear I don't want this.
There's a reason not to want this but I forgot.

In the terminal she sleeps on my shoulder,
Hair falling forward, mouth all askew.
Fluorescent announcements beat their wings overhead:
passengers missing, we're looking for you.
And she dreams through the noise, her weight against me,
Face pressed into the corduroy grooves.
Maybe it means nothing.
Maybe it means nothing.
Maybe it means nothing but I'm afraid to move.

And the words: they're everything and nothing.
I want to search for her in the offhand remarks.
Who are you, taking coffee, no sugar?
Who are you, echoing street signs?
Who are you, the stranger in the shell of a lover,
Dark curtains drawn by the passage of time?
Oh words like rain, how sweet the sound.
"Well anyway", she says, "I'll see you around..."

A Novel Theory On America's Economic Power

2007-05-31T23:44:00.000+10:00

Does anyone else find American spelling to be really annoying? If there are any differences in spelling between a word in American English and proper English, the American version is almost always shorther. This shortness is generally attained by hacking the 'u' out of words with and 'ou' in them (e.g. 'colour' becomes 'color'), replacing 'ph' with a single 'f' when in the middle of a word (e.g. 'sulphate' becomes 'sulfate') and other such dubious short cuts. I believe that this slight difference in spelling may very well be the cause of Americans' comical pronunciation of the English language.

Comical relief aside, the other benefit of the American spelling system is that it is more efficient due to its brevity. While typing/writing one less letter may seem to be trivial as far as efficiency goes, adding up the number of characters saved over the course of a year could amount to millions of letters and a lot of ink. But the efficiency not only relates to ink usage, it also flows into time expenditure. It saves time spent on trivial letters which can then be used for more practical pursuits such as planning wars and seeking new oil supplies. Or better yet, it saves time for more work which means more money which means a stronger economy (and also more nuclear warheads which are very useful when starting wars and seeking oil).

So you see, friends, the American system of spelling is not simply a matter of rebelling against the British (as is commonly believed) or a case of being a vastly illiterate nation (although this is probably true anyway if Hollywood scripts are anything to go by). It's all in the name of efficiency and a better economy/nuclear arsenal.

Ten

2007-05-26T22:21:00.000+10:00

Mochas with just enough chocolate;
Tear-stained coffee glasses;
Sunshine and cool breezes;
Swans adrift in the pond;
Reflections of slow moving clouds;
Rainbow flocks pinned to blue skies;
A childish smile and a friend's embrace;
The lullaby of rocking train carriages;
Pianos conversing with violins;
Moonlit strolls towards home.

I Need To Start My Own Organisation

2007-05-15T19:54:00.000+10:00

I was reading a newspaper article today in the SMH when I came across an article in the Eco pages. The topic of the article: how the extinction of the human race would be the best way to preserve life on Earth. This idea was apparently suggested by a group called VHEMT (Voluntary Human Extinction MovemenT) and while it sounds an "like some sort of Monty Python spoof" (SMH, 15/05/07) these people are dead serious about it and it seems to have a reasonable following with thousands of people subscribing to VHEMT's newsletter.

Now, I've been proposing the annihilation of the human race for a long time now as a solution to many widespread problems; most prominently war and our dying planet. But nobody has ever taken me seriously and yet when an organisation proposes something as absurd as this, people are willing to take notice and even subscribe to these ideas? I should go start my own organisation, call it ALAN (All Life Anihilated Neo-movement) and then make all sorts of insane proposals. And despite my extremist sounding organisation name, my solution to the threat of global warming is much less extreme than VHEMT's. Rather than wiping out all of human life, I propose that we simply annihilate all life in America. Remember, it's a good idea because an organisation said so ;-).

No Such Thing

2007-05-11T19:03:00.000+10:00

After much deliberation (mostly during dull lectures as a way to prevent me falling asleep and drooling on the person next to me) I have come to a conclusion. There is no such thing.

There's no such thing as light; no such thing as darkness; no such thing as colour; no such thing as sky; no such thing as earth; no such thing as age; no such thing as youth; no such thing as joy; no such thing as melancholy; no such thing as love; no such thing as hate; no such thing as you; no such thing as me. But if there's no such thing as 'me', who is it that is writing this? Perhaps there is no 'me' and that I am simply a figment of my own imagination; a figment created by some consciousness somewhere with no form of it's own. A figment which is both existent and inextistent. And if there's no such thing as 'you', then who's reading this?

I suppose the point I am trying to make here is not that neither you or I exist (because that would be as possible as being able to eat yourself) but that our existence is entirely contingent - just as everything is contingent. We do not need to exist, yet we do. We do not need to feel or to care, yet we do. Why do we care? There is no moral imperative to do so nor is there anything to be gained. Do we care simply because we'd like to think that others would care about us if we cared about them? Are we so fickle that we so desperately need the attention of others just to reaffirm that we are not a figment of our own imaginations?

And so what if we are? Does it make the experience any less real just because we are not? Reality is an objective thing. Even if everybody in the world saw one event, not a single other person would have the exact same experience as you. And if there can be no consistency, then what does it mean to be 'real'?

But then again, I couldn't care less if I'm real or not. Nor do I care whether all the people I know or all the things I've experienced are real or not. As long as I'm enjoyig myself, I'm happy for the universe to be a dream.

World Gone Mad(der)

2007-04-18T22:59:00.001+10:00

I think the Virginia Tech shooting really highlights what the American government should be focusing on. Rather than expending effort, manpower and billions of dollars on liberating the Iraqi people (from their oil) they should be focusing on issues closer to home.

Why is it that the country with the highest rate of gun crime in the world continues to fail to do anything about it? George W. Bush continues to deny that there is a gun control problem and does not want to touch the issue. Although we have all come to expect utter idiocy from Bush, this certainly takes the cake. Certainly 33 people killed and many others injured in one firearm incident could be considered to be an isolated example of madness. But this sort of thing happens in the USA far too often for it to be dismissed as a mere tragedy. How many more innocent people must die before the government finally gets the message?

What is the world coming to when a 23 year old university student can get his hands on firearms and then proceeds to use them to vent out his frustrations? Who is to blame for this? As always, family groups and conservatives will blame the media for this. They will say that he was brainwashed by violent films. That his notion of reality was skewed by graphic videogames. That goth rock and Marilyn Manson promote aggression (okay, maybe Marilyn Manson does incite a bit of murderous rage but more because his music is extremely irritating than influential). Remember that these are the same people who want to enforce their Christian beliefs upon others (not that they'd ever admit to it). Should we trust the opinion of people who want abortion and gay marriages banned on the basis that it defies God's will?

Certainly, the shooter must take a large share of the blame as the person undertaking the wrong action. I am in no way denying this. But it is not his fault alone. Blame must also be placed upon the firearm dealer. Despite his claims that the shooter seemed normal and that he would not have sold guns to someone if he knew they were going to do something of this nature, we have to question what it is a 23 year old could possibly need a gun for in the first place. That the guns used were registered and legally obtained should be of particular concern. A large portion must be placed on the government. Not because they did not ban firearms but because they have still not banned firearms after countless similar tragedies.

But the greatest tragedy of all is the Bush administration's apparent apathy towards its own people possessing weapons while breathing fire when it comes to the people of other nations possessing the same firearms on the basis that these people are 'radicalists' and 'terrorists'. Yet it would seem that they are allowing a different form of terror to spread in their own backyard and are behaving more like terrorists than the ones they are allegedly trying to stop. The phrase 'collateral damage' has been used so often by the US military it has become something of a cliche.

From their violent beginning to the assassination of political figures to the countless wars they have instigated to the Virginia Tech shooting, the USA just seems to have a history of violence. I dare go so far as to call it a culture of violence.

Everybody is incensed.

The world is mad but not mad enough.

Nobody wants to do anything about it.

World Gone Mad

2007-04-18T15:39:00.000+10:00

We seem to live in a time in which everything is topsy turvy. When what's right is often wrong and what's wrong is often right. And there is nothing at all right about this. I blame this mostly on the post-modern movement in which there can be such a thing as pluralistic truths; that is, that there can be many 'truths' co-existing at the same time and that they are all equally correct even if some of them may be utter contradictions of each other. For example, the neverending creation versus evolution debate seems to have reached a sort of standstill because people have come to the conclusion that neither side has anyr eal solid evidence supporting their theory and so have come to an unwritten and unspoken agreement that they are both equally right (or wrong if you happen to be a glass-half-empty sort of person).

The greatest issue with this is that it is human nature to show a certain degree of distaste for the things we do not believe in and, to a lesser extent, disgust towards the people who hold these beliefs. An example of such behaviour: I was on the train a few days back and there was a woman breastfeeding a child in the carriage that I was in. Now, this woman was being very decent about it and had as much of her breasts covered as possible while breastfeeding (i.e. she was not using the child as an excuse to do a Lady Godiva). Several people of about 20 years old were also in the carriage and having a converastion with the woman (as train commuters do). Nothing out of the ordinary, just things that were in the news recently, the joys and otherwise of having children and other fat chewing topics. Upon reaching the next station, a couple boarded the train and they would have been about 50 years old (give or take five years because I'm not a particularly good judge of age). Several seats were available and the elderly gentleman proceeded to sit down and and begin to converse with everyone else. his wife (I am assuming it was his wife) however walked towards the vacant seats and upon spotting the breastfeeding mother uttered something which sounded like disgust, gave everyone in the carriage a filthy glare and then left her husband and went to another carriage. Her husband remained and continued to converse as if ignoring his wife's rather rude gesture.

Is this what happens when we think we can all be right? People do not talk to each other to try to figure out who really is right and why they are right and/or wrong. Instead, we're quite content to just accept that we can both be right. What happens is a total breakdown in communication. People not only do not understand each other's point of view, people no longer care to find out what it is or even why others hold particular views. I sometimes think it was better when people were a bit more confrontational and would argue about things until they were blue in the face. I would have rathered the woman stay and ask the breastfeeding woman to stop because she was uncomfortable rather than utter curses and march off in something of a lukewarm rage. In either case, I fail to see why she had to make such a great deal of it anyway. As a woman of her age, she must surely have given birth to children before and offered her breasts to them as nourishment. If a 50 year old male and a group of 20 year olds can accept such things despite not having any sort of similar experience, surely a woman who has had these experiences would be able to muster up some degree of emapthy? Or perhaps she was one of those frigid mothers who fed her child nothing but that powdered junk they sell in pharmacies.

I suppose what this example really illustrates is how post-modernism has enlargened the gap between generations and between the sexes. It promotes a culture of agreement rather than argument, which sounds like a favourable outcome. But it comes at the cost of understanding. Ceratinly it allows everyone to believe what they want to believe but it fails to challeneg people to really think about why they believe in what they do. It promotes ignorance in one's own causes because nobody has to argue their point to anyone else and this in turn leads to apathy.

And if we do not believe in our own beliefs, what is left?

When?

2007-04-03T22:11:00.000+10:00

When is someone ready to die?

Questions

2007-03-18T19:57:00.000+11:00

Thinking. It happens when you're an arts student. It happens more when your arts major is philosophy. Too much time, too many questions and too few answers. And the more you think the more you wish you knew

I continue to have troubles with this definitional monologue. What is love? And what is the difference between love and romance if, there is indeed, any difference at all? No matter which way I look at it and no matter how much tossing and turning and twisting and wriggling I do, I am unable to find a solution that is both sound and satisfying.

Secondly, and perhaps less straightforward: are emotions still emotions if we have control over them?

Note: these questions in no way reflect upon any sort of emotional state. They are merely the ramblings and trivial endeavours of a cynic for worldly wisdom.

And So It Begins...

2007-03-07T22:33:00.000+11:00

Second year of university... despite all the hype about VSU causing the University to implode on itself, not much seems to have changed (which is a shame because the only thing cooler than exploding stuff is imploding stuff. Even more so when it's really big stuff). The only noticable difference seems to be a rather dramatic decrease in freebies on offer at O-Week, particularly for those of us who can't be bothered waiting in line for 3 hours to get an Access card. That said, I still walked away with a reasonable haul (namely a handful of Cadbury Creme eggs, about 10 cups of instant noodles, enough Spring Valley samples to fill a large vat and more free sugary things than I can count).

My lunchbreak habits haven't changed much. I'm still spending almost every spare minute I have on campus playing pool or cards or just bumming around Wentworth and doing my beloved SMH puzzles. What has changed about my lunchbreaks is that I'm not extending them by skipping classes. After three days, I have yet to skip a single lecture (three straight days of perfect class attendence is a record for me). And not only that, I'm actually paying attention in the lectures AND taking notes AND typing them up when I get home. And you thought you'd see pigs fly before I'd do anything studious... Why the change? I guess this is my idea of doing something crazy, rebellious and totally out of character. And it's probably about as out of character as I am ever going to get short of heading to the nearest church and acknowledging that there is only one true Lord without referring to myself in the same sentence.

Other vaguely interesting things (that don't warrant anything more than a bullet point):

Students (presumably high schoolers) from japan randomly wandering around campus for no apparent reason.
This year's first years don't seem nearly as lost or as overwhelmed by the whole university thing as I was last year.
The first years that I'm mentoring seem to be finding their feet pretty quickly (which is excellent because it means I'm less likely to be asked questions to which I do not know the answer)
University coffee still tastes like swill
Despite continental drift, Wallace Lecture Theatre has not gotten any closer to Wentworth since November.

A Thoughtful Conversation...

2007-02-25T19:30:00.000+11:00

Purple Gerbil says:
i mean, if i was god, i'd make myself into a dancing purple hippo
Purple Gerbil says:
cos purple hippos are cool
Icarus says:
well
Icarus says:
i'd make myself non-existant

So...

2007-02-14T18:55:00.000+11:00

So... it's Valentine's Day again. Anybody have anything to say?

Pedestrians Beware!

2007-02-13T10:50:00.000+11:00

Alan can now drive UNSUPERVISED! If you don't like his driving, please stay off the footpath.

It is impossible...

2007-02-07T19:50:00.000+11:00

...to forgive and forget. One simply can not forgive something one does not remember.

Avoiding The Inevitable Question...

2007-01-23T23:33:00.000+11:00

How much longer can I keep running from my emotions?

How Many People Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?

2007-01-08T18:37:00.000+11:00

So, just how many people does it take to change a light bulb? We put the question to the students of Sydney, and here's how they replied:

Scot's - Two. One to mix the martinis and one to phone the electrician.
PLC - One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Sydney Grammar - Two. One to change the bulb and one to crack under the pressure.
James Ruse Agricultural - Four. One to design a nuclear powered one that never needs changing, two to install it and one to write the computer programme that controls the switch.
Forest High - Two. One to change the bulb and one to figure out how to get high off the old one.
Loreto Kirribilli - One. She'll put through a call to maintenance staff because there's no way she's going to do manual labour.
King's - Two. One to change the globe faster than anyone in the GPS and one to show him around the school afterwards.
Knox Grammar - Two. One to install the new bulb completely powered by testosterone and one to brag about it loudly.
Cranbrook - Six. One to change the bulb and five to support its sexual orientation.
Ravenswood - Five. One to change the bulb, two to reassure her that she doesn't look fat at the top of the ladder and two to circulate photos showing that she does.
Abbotsleigh - Four. One to smash the glass ceiling so that they can get to the top of the ladder, one to install the globe and two to check that it's brighter than PLC's.
Shore - Sixteen. One to send out the invitations, two to get the beer, one to change the bulb, one to buy Ralph Lauren polos for everyone, two to smuggle the chicks in and one to keep watch for the boarding master. The second eight just need to be ready to back them up.
Northern Beaches Christian School - Two. One human and God just to make sure the light shelters all in need, whether it be for food, shelter..blah blah f**kin blah...
MacDonald College - Five. One to change the globe and four to do an interpretive dance about it.
Newington - None. They're all too drunk to notice.
Killara High - Two. One to change the bulb and one to write to the North Shore Times about how she did it as well as any private school student.
Santa Sabina - None. They're all down at Strathfield station having a ciggie.
St Patrick's, Strathfield - Ten. One to change it and one to buy the hair gel to impress and ultimately lay the Santa Sabina chicks, while the rest compete wiv da Christian Bruvvers for da turf (Strathfield Station).
Homebush Boys High - Fourteen. One to change it, one to throw the old one at the St Pat's boys and six Italians and six Asians to kick the crap out of each other in the meantime.
Barrenjoey High - Eleven. One to change it and ten to share the experience.
Parramatta High - None. That hole looks better in the dark.
Joey's - Fifteen. It's not that one's not smart enough, it's just that they're a team and they have to form a lineout and get the backs into position.
Barker College - Fifteen. One to change it and the rest to walk around as if they own the place and talk it up.
MLC Burwood - Two. One to change it but only after the other one has found an interpreter to translate the English instructions.
Sydney Uni - Seventy six. One to change the globe. Fifty to protest the globe's right not to change and twenty five to stage a counter protest.
Mater Maria - Twenty. One to change it and the rest to carry on about how it was, like, soooo fully better than at their old school.
Trinity - None. Those poor bastards are keeping their backs to the wall even if it means standing in the dark.
SCEGGS Redlands - Three. One to change the bulb and two to nick down to Bed, Bath and Table to buy a Jacquard shade for it in the new season's colours.
Queenwood - Depends, could be one, could be ten, no-one is prepared to commit unless the Shore boys are definitely going to be there.
Mercy College - Five, one to screw it in, two to laugh about the word screw and two to message the St Pius boys about it.
St Pius X - Three, one to get word around that the Mercy girls are talking about a screw, one to replace the bulb and one to pray that they get it done in time to beat the Chatswood High boys to the Mercy party.
Brigidine - None. It's too hard to find a new globe with their sunglasses on.
Girraween High - Two. One student and one teacher but not before they make out.
Marist Eastwood - Five. One to change it and four to shop for the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.
Riverview - Five. One to change it, and four to go to Gowings for new flannellette shirts to wear for the occasion.
Cabramatta High - Ten. One to change the bulb, two to negotiate a pay off to rival gangs to prevent anything going down during the change and the rest to stake out just in case.
Kogarah High - Five. One to install it. One to tally the number of times he says F*** while he's doing it, one to brag about the size of their falafels and a couple of eager chicks with gelled hair and monobrows who overheard and came for 'lunch'.
East Hills Girls - Nobody bothered to ask because nobody cares about East Hills.
Riverstone High - Six. Two to break into the store, one to steal the globe, one to install it and two to help him reach the socket using their pregnant tummies as steps.
The International School - None. They brought notes from their guardians excusing them.
Ascham - One, because she's a unique, self motivated, individual.
Kincoppal - Three. One to change it and two to make sure her hair ribbons are still in place afterwards.
Glenaeon - The entire school. One to remove the perfectly good globe, two to work out how to dispose of it so that it's dolphin safe, one to replace it with candles and the rest to sit on mats and express how they feel about the change.
Frensham - The girl who answered the phone said she was pleased to be included with the Sydney schools but probably would never know the answer because her Daddy had said to phone immediately if the maintenance man made any disgusting suggestions.
Sydney Girl's High - One and she was determined to get better results than the Sydney Boys.
Sydney Boy's High - None. They didn't have to, the Sydney Girls insisted on showing them how it was done.
Narrabeen Sports High - Unsure. Their response was something like 'Duuh, what's a light globe?'
Pennant Hills High - About fifteen. One to change the bulb, but a small search party to try and find a socket that hasn't been burnt to a crisp.
Tara - Five. One to replace the globe, three to figure out that she screwed it in upside down and one to phone her brother at Kings and get him to send over his mates to show them how to screw the right way up.
The Conservatorium - Forty Three. One to change the globe and a 42 piece orchestra to accompany him.
Kambala.- Two. One to change the bulb and one to phone daddy to pay for it.
Condell Park - None. They didn't want to spoil its 'quickie in the dark' atmosphere.
St Aloyisius - Three. One to put in a formal complaint about the imposition, one to change the bulb and one to make the observation that it isn't half as bright as the light shining from their arses.
Leichardt High - Four. One to order a Venetian chandelier from her cousin Roberto who owns a lighting warehouse and imports from the old country, one to arrange delivery cause his sister's husband Tony has an uncle whose mate, Angelo, has a truck, one to put the squeeze on his neighbour Dominic the electrician because he owes him a favour and one to make sure everything is done cash.

Farewell

2007-01-01T11:04:00.000+11:00

And so we say farewell to 2006. It was a good year, possibly the best I've had in a while and it wouldn't have been nearly as fun without all the friends who were there through all the joy and the endless madness. And sure, we all made mistakes in '06 but given a chance to go back and do it again, I'd make the same mistakes because it was so much fun the first time around. So here's to 2006 *raises champagne*.

But as we say farewell to one, we must welcome in another and so begins 2007. New hopes arise and new dreams are dreamt. Some will come true and others will fail spectacularly, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Besides, what's life without a bit of drama? Whatever happens, we'll do our best to make it a great year and if it's even half of what 2006 was, it'll be an excellent year.

Thanks to everybody who turned up to my place last night to celebrate the year that was and to welcome in the year that will be (or 'the year that is' while I'm writing this), even those of you who just dropped by to say hi. Your company made it a memorable night and ensured 2006 got a fitting farewell. So for all that, thanks to (in no particular order) Ace, Haidang, Johnny, Ian, Lawrence, Theresa, Liang, Nian, Jenny, Derrick, Sue, Melissa, Xing, Sarah, George, William, Sheldon, Nicholas, Likan, Mandy, Thien, Christine, Terry, Daniel, Megan, Danny, Peter, Leo, Michael, Alex, Thomas and Ricky.

Special thanks to Robert for supplying the alcohol for the evening and for bringing his PS2 for hours of Singstar madness. Very special thank you to Stephen, Jasmine and David for coming over early and helping me set up and everything. And a mega special thanks with a cherry on top to Kirsten who came over early to help out and manned the barbecue for most of the evening. All your help was greatly appreciated guys and it wouldn't have been as much of a success without you!

A lot of you turned up so if I've forgotten anyone, I'm really sorry! Just drop me a line and I'll add your name to the honour list ^^.

Have a great new year and I'll see you all again same time next year.

Cheers!

Obligations

2006-12-22T21:34:00.000+11:00

People are forever saying things they don't really mean because they live in a society in which they feel obliged to do so. People are obliged to say thank you to shop owners who have just served them ("Thanks a lot for charging me about double what I'd usually pay, mate"). People feel obliged to say sorry to total random strangers for accidentally blocking their way on stairs or what not when they don't really mean it at all. Or perhaps it's become a bit of an instinctive reaction. We feel obliged to say happy birthday to people when what we really bear little good will. We feel obliged to say congratulations to people who beat us in competitions when we mean to tell them they didn't deserve it. We feel obliged to throw please on the end of everything because it somehow makes what we ask for a request rather than a demand. We feel obliged to say see you soon when what we're really thinking is something more along the lines of relief we won't have to see that person for a while.

And even though I think the occassion has become a commercial joke with little meaning, I feel obliged to say to you all, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

NaNo 2006: Mission Accomplished!

2006-11-29T19:52:00.000+11:00

That's right. Alan has finished writing his novel. Fity thousand words. Thirty days (which was about fifteen really considering the two week interruption of university exams). And not nearly as much coffee as i would have thought. But the point is, ALAN IS DONE! Alan wrote a novel in a month and it is awesomeness (pronunced 'total and utter insanity') and Alan is now celebrating by speaking about Alan in the third person.

And here's the best part, Alan is totally ready to do it all again next year! Be afraid. Be very afraid!

You can find the novel here.

Untitled Poem

2006-11-14T19:12:00.000+11:00

Flower after flower;
Fragments of a romance
Lost in a whirlwind of petals.
Her silhouette had danced
Upon cigarette tips.
She'd dreamt of cellophane
And unlit candles.
But she'll never believe in love.

Nothing to be particularly proud of. It's a work in progress and I'm still experimenting with line order. Thoughts?

Stars - Sleep Tonight

2006-11-09T20:57:00.000+11:00

We don't want to sleep tonight
Still young like that I count the lines
Beside your mouth that smiles now
My arms reach up as you go down
With buried heads we both forget
All of the past and its regret
Wind picks up the window shakes
But we won't hear the morning break

You will cry
And I will cry
Because all the love's
Alive tonight

You will cry
And I will cry
Because all the love's
Alive tonight

Neighbourhoods will try to dream
While you and me we hold and lean
Onto bodies slick and charged
Together just one beating heart
All around us quiet now
We hear the leaves fall to the ground
Morning light upon our bed
An ally while I catch your breath

You will cry
And I will cry
Because all the love's
Alive tonight

You will cry
And I will cry
Because all the love's
Alive tonight

You will cry
And I will cry
Because all the love's alive tonight

All the love's alive tonight

Life of Gustaf

2006-11-02T15:13:00.000+11:00

Edit (nov. 25): I only intended to post the first few chapters of 'life of gustaf' on this blog for fun. However, I ended up updating the post everytime I wrote another chapter or so and the post has since snowballed into a royal mess. It's not so much the insanity of the content that bothered me so much as the fact that it was making the blog clunky and somewhat difficult to navigate. In light of this, a new blog has been opened at www.lifeofgustaf.blogspot.com. It is a blog dedicated entirely to 'Life of Gustaf' and the solitary post (the novel in progress) will be updated with new chapters once or twice daily until the end of NaNoWriMo 2006 (midnight November 30). See you on the far side of insanity!

NaNoWriMo Eve

2006-10-31T18:00:00.000+11:00

On the eve of national novel writing month (even though the competition is an international thing), I have got virtually no idea of what my novel is going to be about. Okay, I lie. I have about three pages worth of scribbling, character names, stylistic ideas and quotes I'd like to use somewhere. As for storyline... well, they're over rated anyway, right? So I know what it's going to be about just not what's going to happen. That's what HSC English does to you. "Don't retell the story, tell us about the themes and techniques and all that other bullshit". With that in mind, I'll just let my creative juices flow and unleash the madness monkey inside my brain. It speaks very fluent English and acts as a fill in for my frequently absent muse. I told you the voices were there to help. And should my novel end up being James Joyce style mess (which is more likely than America being involved in a war at any given point in time), I blame my English teachers.

Anyway, to anyone else crazy enough to write a fifty thusand word novel in a month, good luck and God speed (no, really). Especially any university students who happen to have exams running at the moment.

Ganbatte kudasai!

Another 'First' for 2006

2006-10-16T18:42:00.000+10:00

Anybody who knows me will know that I'm fairly resistant to change. I am, after all, a creature of habit. This includes my hair which has remained in it's conservative split form since I've had hair. But I decided (and by'I' I really mean Jasmine) that it was time to do something wild and change the beloved hair style I've had for the last 19 years of my life. Not that I've done anything particularly wild and crazy with my hair, just a standard spiked cut (which is about as wild and creative as I'm likely to ever get with my hair). Funnily, my hair is actually a bit longer now than it would be after my usual 'medium cut' (which most barbers take to mean "shave me bald") and it looks pretty good. At least that's what I'd like to think. But all this sexiness cost me $20 which is about double what I'd usually pay. But what the hell... all part of the experience, eh?

And in other news, *sings* I'm walking on sunshiiiiine!

NaNoWriMo

2006-10-03T21:03:00.000+10:00

No idea what it stands for? It doesn't matter. Find out and sign up for it here .

Happy 118th Eliot!

2006-09-26T19:01:00.000+10:00

If TS Eliot were alive today (besides being really pissed off that we buried him alive), he'd be celebrating his 118th birthday. Anyway, today was a good a day as any to celebrate my own birthday which was three days ago. Thanks heaps to Stephen, Jasmine, Tracy, Libby, Ansel and James (in the order in which I met them) for coming out to the city and making today so much fun.

Of course, as with any outing that I 'organise', people turn up late. Note to self: make a list of tardy friends and tell them to arrive an hour earlier than everyone else. That way, everybody arrives at the same time and everybody is happy. Anyway, while waiting for Ansel and James to show up, the rest of us browsed Market City. I was eventually forced by Jasmine and Libby into trying on polos from Cotton On which they then bought me as a birthday present. *hugs* Thanks so much! (I love the pink bag too but don't tell anyone).

Ansel rocked up an hour later and James arrived soon after with a cake. Not just any cake either. Blackforest cake with funky chocolate decorations. I'd hug you if you weren't a guy so maybe I'll take it easy on you the next time we play tennis =P. Yum cha was surprisingly painless. No crazy waiters who confuse forks with chilli sauce. Actually, our waiter was quite nice and even asked whose birthday it was when he saw the cake so he could say 'happy birthday'. =D. Naturally, seven people and one cake don't quite add up and we ended up having about a third of a cake leftover. Libby, being the totally prepared person that she was, whipped out her notepad and wrote a note addressed to the waiters about the leftover cake.

"We don't have any cash, please accept 1/3 of a cake and our collective love.

Just kidding! We couldn't finish it, feel free to do the honours. Thanks for lunch!"

The plan was to go to a karaoke bar after lunch but seeing as how we only had seven people (six after Libby left) and that most of them weren't particularly keen on the idea, we ended up going to Star City. Jasmine, Ansel, Tracy and I signed up for the star rewards card thingos. $10 of free credit to waste on poker machines! Hooray! Over all, a pretty successful venture with all of us walking out with some money in our pockets. And Tracy, who I shall refer to from this point forth as Lucky Tracy, won $100 without even knowing it until James said "Holy shit! You won a hundred bucks!". She ended up sharing the luck and shouting us all ice cream from Passion Flower. Love you heaps, Tracy! *hugs*

All in all, a lovely day! Thanks again to everybody for making it a great day!

"Poetry...

2006-09-11T22:30:00.000+10:00

...may make us from time to time a little more aware of the deeper, unnamed feelings which form the substratum of our being, to which we rarely penetrate; for our lives are mostly a constant evasion of ourselves"
Thomas Stearns Eliot (1888 - 1965)

"You'll go to Hell"

2006-09-06T19:02:00.000+10:00

Not everyday you hear that spoken in a serious tone is it? I copped that today from a charming evangelist woman today. Anyway, this is roughly how this empty threat came about:

Evangelist: If you were to be hit by a car later and died do you think you'll go to Heaven or to Hell?
Me: Neither. If I die, I die and that'll be the end of it.
Eva: You're wrong!
Me: *stifles laughter and offers confused expression instead*
Eva: If you pray to God everyday and go to church, all your sins will be forgiven and you will go to Heaven, otherwise you will go to Hell.
Me: Right... and how do you know all this?
Eva: It's in here *points to Bible*
Me: So if I were to write in a book that everything was created by a purple hippo would that automatically make that true?
Eva: No, because it's not in the Bible.
Me: I don't see how it's any more or less correct than the Bible.
Eva: *obviously frustrated* If you do not repent and pray you will go to Hell.

Well, it was a charming conversation. Usually when I run into evangelists, we have a pleasant conversation about the Bible and what it means to be Christian. And when I say that I'm an atheist, they ask if I've ever been to church before. Those are the sort of Christians who believe in God but don't really care if other people believe in the same idol they do so long as they believe in the same ideals (not to lie, not to kill, no envious feelings and all that jazz). I respect them because they respect my right to believe what I choose. Now, when somebody tells you that you'll go to Hell if you don't believe in God and worship his almighty mightiness it's hardly the sort of thing that makes you want to make friends. In fact, it's the sort of thing that makes you want to kill people. And assuming that there is a Hell, I'd much rather be there than have to deal with evangelistic idiots like this.

Fortunately, my friends were there (all three of them Christians) to end the stoush by saying that we had a train to catch. When we were out of audible range, one of them said, "I feel sorry for her..." to which I replied
"If I didn't have a train to catch I would have kept arguing"
"I know. I would have grabbed chairs and some popcorn"

I have had enough of these motherfckin' snakes on this motherfckin' plane...

2006-08-27T21:56:00.000+10:00

...and if I could get my motherf*ckin' hands on the motherf*ckin' idiot who came up with this motherf*ckin' idea I would wring his motherf*ckin' neck before nailing him to a motherf*ckin' crucifix. *breathes* Now, once again, Hollywood has come up with a totally insane idea. "We've already covered just about everything bad that could happen on a plane... wait... we haven't chucked snakes on a plane yet!" It's as if the writers of Lost got sick of confusing themselves with the stuff that happens on that crazy island and decided to give an aeroplane a go instead. In fact, this movie could very well serve as the prequel to Lost. It's just as crazy. Equally plotless. Makes about as much sense.

Of course, this movie has a massive cult following courtest of all the hype generated by various internet sites and Samuel L. Jackson's ego-driven rant at some award ceremony. Of course, this hype is just that. And of course, like 98% of the movies that come from Hollywood, it is utter crap. But that won't stop people watching it anyway because there are people out there who are praising this movie like there's no tomorrow. Somebody on a forum even went so far as to say it was "the greatest piece of cinema I have ever witnessed". Now, while there are some absolute shockers out there (Aeon Flux is a damn fine example) surely, there are movies out there better than Snakes On A Plane?

And while some people may argue that the film doesn't take itself too seriously and that I'm just failing to see the humour and entertainment in it because I'm a miserable sod, I'd like to point out that I do enjoy the occassional mindless movie. But there is a difference between amusingly mindless and just utterly mindless. What's next? Spiders On A Bus?

Note: it's a bad idea to bag the shit out of this movie on Bored of Studies because there are people who have poor taste in movies and these said people will call you 'pretentious fuckspores' (full marks for not resorting to the cliched 'pretentious wanker').

(Un)funny

2006-08-07T20:24:00.000+10:00

Caveman 1: ug ug ug ug ug ug ug ug ug
Caveman 2: ug ug ug ug ug ug ug ug ug ug ug narg
Caveman 1: Don't change the subject!

Paradox of Engineering

2006-08-03T19:06:00.000+10:00

"The purpose of engineers is to identify problems and then solve them. However, upon closer inspection of these solutions, additional faults will be found requiring extra fixes. In turn, these latest fixes will also contain glitches and have to be solved... ... ..."
Ian 'lamb chops' Lam (3rd August, 2006)

In other words, all Microsoft products are designed by engineers.

Cue: Semestaarrgghhhh 2

2006-07-23T19:11:00.000+10:00

Apologies to my beloved blog for leaving you so unattended for such a long time. I am truly sorry
and I promise I'll update more regularly from now on. But you must admit, dear blog, that you are not quite so interesting as illegal street racing (virtual of course) nor are you of much use to me while my muse is frolicking in a distant winter wonderland. But I promise never to leave you again.

Anyway, now that that rather frivolous apostrophic apology is out of the way, let's talk about me because everything is about me. Not only does this universe revolve around me, every other universe and the entire time and space continuum revolve around me. And no, I am not developing an ego complex. But yeah... my holidays were fairly subdued. Nothing particularly exciting to speak about besides the odd party here and there and a bit of catching up with some high school friends while pitching beemers at them, slide tackling them and taking spikes at them. So, in summary:

Cricket day - considering the extended break from any form of cricket (backyard inclusive), I didn't do too badly. Managed to get a wicket and score a few runs (before being clean bowled taking a blind swing at an off-spinner). We (as in the class of '05) were beaten by the class of '06 for, I think, the first time. That said, they got a bit of help from Johnny 'the pom' who was counting extras at half the value everyone else was. But that's life. That eventually developed into a soccer match which ended up in a draw before time was actually up because we were all too damn tired from cricket.

World Cup final - omfg! *screams and kills random Italians* I can't believe Italy won... grrrrr... First they take a tumble and steal a win from Australia at the very last minute. Then they go and beat Germany in extra time. And then they end up winning the damn thing. The only good thing about all that is that since Australia should have beaten Italy and Italy won, that means Australia should have won the World Cup. Shut up, I know there's a huge logical flaw but it's the only consolation I have.

Volleyball with 'the gang' - we did play volleyball. We managed a set and a half until things once again degenerated into soccer. It seems World Cup fever is more difficult to shake off than we thought. Anyway, anything-goes-so-long-as-you-don't-kill-anyone indoor soccer is insane. I still haven't quite got the wall rebounds quite right yet, but be assured that I'll be ready come next post-World Cup aftermath. But it was nice to see the gang together again including the girls who weren't at the cricket days for unknown reasons (perhaps the fact that they don't play cricket will suffice?)

Li-Kan's birthday - sure it's unorthodox to spring a surprise party on someone at their own house without anybody in the house knowing beforehand, but we're all about unorthodoxy. Most of us brought laptops with us because the plan was to have a LAN party. The only problem was that people were missing games, missing update patches and having issues with the networking. So we ended up spending more time setting up the networking than actually using it but it was a learning experience and next time will (hopefully) be more gaming productive.

Mandy's birthday - which was today. Happy Birthday Mandy-chan! ^^ To a public park to play childish and potentially embarassing games? Sure, why the hell not. Games which involved popping balloons using only your glutes, whacking people with inflatable hammers and 'accidentally' stepping on people while attempting to pop balloons tied to their feet. Those poor balloons never had a chance...

So here I am. Wishing that semester two was nothing but a distant nightmare, reflecting on the seemingly distant memories of sleeping all day and staying up all night.

And so I stand on the eve of my last day as a free man... at least until mid-semester break.

Bouncing Off The Walls

2006-06-27T20:57:00.000+10:00

*Roars* *Breaks into song* Ding dong, the witch is dead, the witch is dead, the witch is dead. Ding dong the wicked witch is deaaaadddd! *Spins on chair* *Bounces off ceiling* *Puts boiled egg into microwave* *Eats whipped cream straight from can*

Phew! Glad I got that out of my system. Anyway, that hyperactive outburst is brought to you by the end of semester one exams *pops champagne bottle* and the beginning of a one month break *piles up anime on desk*. The plan? Stay up late (early if that's what you want to call 7am), watch every single World Cup game from here on in, possibly organise a poker night for the World Cup finals (assuming I can be bothered), anime, paintball if I can be bothered going out to the back of Bourke at 7:30am (damn you, Grace!), catch up with friends, eat chocolate, get back to writing poetry and scrabble until my eyes bleed. 'Where does sleep figure in this grand plan of yours, Alan?'. Sleep? Who needs sleep? Sleep is for the weak! *cackles wicked witch style*

I just finished watching Hostel too. That movie is so utterly wrong. Like really, really wrong. Think torture using power drills and blowtorches and you've got the tip of the ice berg. Not particularly scary but it seriously grossed me out. On the upside, should anybody well and truly give me the shits, I now have an expansive database of suitable retalitation techniques. *revs chainsaw*

And while I'm here and still totally bored out of my mind as I wait for the next sugar kick to hit...

What people think about the 'half filled glass':

Realist - it's half empty.
Scientist - it's neither half full nor half empty, the percentage error is... *cut*
Bimbo - *thinks* *head explodes*
Economist - it's half full now but with the right sort of economic policy and the current trend in global trading, it can be overflowing in several years time.
Lawyer - that glass is totally innocent! I mean half innocent! I mean half full!
Liberal party member - *hands glass to GWB*
Cryptic crossword writer - fifty cents when two and three are added without a house.
Optimist - half full.
Pessimist - it's poisoned.
Nihilist - what glass?

Procrastination

2006-06-20T18:59:00.000+10:00

Procrastination - n. the art of keeping up with yesterday

Or in my case, keeping up with the last several months worth of yesterdays. It's bound to happen when you only attend every second lecture on your timetable. There's a philosophy exam tomorrow that I'm not nearly prepared for. All I have to do is remember a few catch phrases and important names now and then go and write four essays in two hours tomorrow. How hard could it possibly be?

Then there's the multiple choice psychology exam. The strategy for that: if I don't know the answer, I'll be guessing it's 'c'. No point in varying the guesses because statistically, they're all equally likle to be (in)correct. I haven't really put a hell of a lot of effort into studying for this either.

So what have I been doing while everybody else is studying and panicking? Watching anime, listening to music and playing Puzzle Bubble. Some may call it procrastination. I disagree with this because procrastination would require me to have an intent to study at some stage. Some call it laziness and others call it academic apathy. I prefer to call it 'psychological preparation'. I don't believe that people perform at their best when under pressure so I'm taking the bohemian approach. So what if I don't know the answers? Everybody else will be so panicked and stressed they won't remember either. And on top of that, I'll have the advantage of being awake because I haven't been sleep deprived by the aforementioned stress and panic. Let's face it, short of some freak somnambulant coincidence, there is no way anybody is going to write essays in their sleep.

Welcome to Alan's school of exam preparation. Please leave your textbooks at the door.

Australia vs Brazil

2006-06-02T20:19:00.000+10:00

It is just before Australia v Brazil in the Group phase of the World Cup.

Ronaldinho goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his teammates looking a bit glum. "What's up?" he asks.

"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Australia. They're shit and we can't be bothered".

Ronaldinho looks at them and says, "Well, I reckon I can beat these guys by myself, you lads go down the pub."

So Ronaldinho goes out to play Australia by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few beers. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to turn the tv on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Brazil 1 - Australia 0 (Ronaldinho 10minutes)". He is beating Australia all by himself!

Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on". They turn the tv on.

"Result from the Stadium "Brazil 1 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes) - Australia 1 (Kewell 89 minutes)". They can't believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against Australia!! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them.

"I've let you down, I've let you down."

"Don't be daft, you got a draw against Australia, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!"

"No, No, I have, I've let you down... I got sent off after 12 minutes"

Abstractions

2006-05-31T18:58:00.000+10:00

Anybody who knows me will know how much of a cynic I can be. As of late, it feels as though my cynicism is lacking its usual sharpness and wit. But that's not to say I've been any less cynical, just that I haven't been doing it to the same high standards I've come to expect from myself. Anyway, being the cynic that I am, I keep returning to my two favourite topics: religion and love.

As always, I don't think either exists in the true sense of the word. Rather, they are both abstract notions, nothing but words to which we attach a whole range of attributes. When people think of 'love' and of religion they associate them with positive things (e.g. happiness, enlightenment, purpose etc.). The problem with this is that while these two abstraction certainly have the potential to deliver these things, they tend to cause a lot more trouble than good.

For example, while religion claims to spread the good word of peace and unity and what not, a large proportion of modern day conflicts are religious feuds. The Palestinians and Israelis are forever blowing each other up due to slight religious differences and an allegedly 'holy land'. Get rid of religion and presto, no more holy land. The main reason the Americans and just about every Middle Eastern state are in conflict isn't because of WMDs (in all reality, if WMDs justifies warfare, the USA would have to be wiped off the face of the planet). It's because of religious differences. The Americans think that Islam is wrong because it oppresses. The Middle Easterners think Christianity is stupid because it allows people too much freedom (on that point, they must be insane because Christians will damn you to Hell for just about anything). Hence, they declare jihads and wars against terror' and 'liberation campaigns'.

And on top of that, every religion claims to be right (except Buddhism) and goes on to damn the followers of every other religion. Now, because we can't say that any religion is wrong (because that would be discrimination, which is comdemnable), this makes them all equally right. This in turn leads to the conclusion that everybody is going to Hell (or the religion's equivalent). This also introduces a slight problem in that each religion condemns to a different place and a follower of one would be damned to several different places by the other religions. Anybody else see some slight logistic issues?

Anyway, religion bashing aside, love is another iffy concept. If we believe in it, we're called idealistic fools. If we don't, we're told that we are pessimistic and that we will 'grow old cold and lonely'. So then, for somebody like me who doesn't really believe that love exists (not in the way society defines it, anyway) is it better to be right or to be proven wrong?

And on that point, is there such a thing as falling in love with the wrong person? For that to work, there would have to be a right person because as polar opposites, they can not exist eithout each other. And I don't believe that there can be a right person to fall in love with and hence no wrong person. Love has (and needs) no reason. So long as there is blind happiness, I have nothing against loving for love's sake. And when it all falls apart, well... shit happens and then we find another 'true love' to fill the void.

That's all I have to say for now. I may elaborate in a later post. I may not. You'll just have to wait and see.

Yawns Scratches Belly

2006-05-21T09:26:00.000+10:00

Apologies to frequent visitors for not posting as regularly as I once did. I just haven't been able to find the motivation or content to write about. And on top of that, I've been having a rather rough time of it with Lady Luck as of late (think shoe splitting in half about an hour before a formal party), not to mention some things I have to sort out in my head. I promise I will be posting something more substantial very soon. Thanks for your patience.

What? Me, Worry?

2006-05-08T21:19:00.000+10:00

You'd figure having three assignments due in three days may cause a certain degree of stress and anxiety, wouldn't you? I suppose it would and probably should. Fear and stress of not being able to complete assignments at the last minute is something I've developed an immunity to during my years at high school. Fortunately, this means that I rarely feel under pressure at any stage during exam periods (I was doing the crossword five minutes before the HSC English paper). Unfortunately, this also means that I'm still leaving things to the last minute and that my idea of 'work ethic' involves considering finding out what the question is.

So far I've completed two of the aforementioned assignments (a 2000 word philosophy essay and a 1000 word psychology essay) without too many hiccups. It's just a matter of finishing off that cursed statistics thing. Theoretically, it shouldn't take any longer than about thirty minutes. Realistically, you'd have to factor in the time it takes to complete a sudoku, find the nine letter word in the Target and solve the unisol on top of that half hour. So, it shouldn't take me much longer than an hour. ^^

My academic apathy is going to come back and bite me in the ass someday... but until then: I shall eat, drink and be merry.

This Weeks Highlight

2006-04-30T13:12:00.000+10:00

As exciting as it was to finally take delivery of Eliot (my lovely new laptop) and as spectacularly as I may have failed my Latin quiz due to non-ANZAC related ANZAC Day celebrations, the highlight of the week would have to be Friday's psychology lecture. Why, you may ask? Because there are few things more interesting than watching someone who should know better consume an entire pack of sleeping tablets (all eighty of them) because they think they know better. "There is virtually no active ingredient in these things so I just paid nineteen dollars for eighty sugar tablets... some students attend all three lectures just to see if I fall over", says Dr Caleb Owen. Alan's thought on the matter: if the tablets don't kill him, the diabetes should.

Another Easter Rant?

2006-04-16T22:53:00.000+10:00

I could easily have another stab at Easter and how shitty and commercialised it's become. But that would be far too easy (and besides, the Easter Bunny promised me lots of chocolates if I was nice).

On second thoughts, Easter Bunny be damned! I can get my own chocolate. Where to begin... Stuff I hate about Easter:

It's become the third most commercialised holiday (after Christmas and you-just-got-raped-by-hallmark day)
It's harder to find good chocolate because so much suck-arse stuff is going around.
The Easter Show - pay money to wade through manure and little kids? No thanks.
The Easter Bunny is a mean bastard who only gives chocolates as hush money. I will not be silenced!
How the church tries desperately to make people feel guilty about not going to church even though Jesus allegedly sacrificed himself to save us all and what not.
How the media says that everything else they report is only 'alleged' (alleged murderers, alleged drug mules) but not Jesus' resurrection which is just "Jesus' resurrection".
The kids at the Easter Show because they're spoilt little shits.
The kids not at the Easter Show because they're in the city making life difficult for me everytime I want to see a movie, go to a restaurant or play pool.

Things I like about Easter:

The chocolate. Even though there's more shifty chocolate out there, it's still chocolate and everybody knows that chocolate is one of only three things that solves everything. The other two are classical music and poetry.
The chocolate.
The chocolate.
Oh, and don't forget the chocolate.

Just remember: the church is a scam, the Easter Bunny is an extortionist, little kids suck and you can wade through shit for free in Parliament House. Happy Easter everyone!

A Letter To My Muse

2006-03-31T22:56:00.000+11:00

Dearest Muse,

It is true that I have often loved for the sake of loving; that I have often stepped into it but never fallen into it. I used to believe that nothing could exist without boundaries and that was how I defined my world. But you proved me wrong. You showed me that boundaries only needed to exist in my mind and that my heart, and yours too, know no boundaries.

When we met, you took away my sanity and you gave me reason. When I bit my truant pen, you called me a fool. When I closed the book, you called me a coward. When you told me to look into my heart and write, you became the notes that danced upon the staves, the paint that jumped upon the canvas and the words that smiled and sang and cried.

You are the reason I am not just living, but being.

I hope to someday earn what you have given to me.

Forever yours,

Alan

Debate This!

2006-03-27T22:55:00.000+11:00

Everything tastes like chicken except for chicken.

Gratus Musa!

2006-03-16T22:46:00.000+11:00

Meus tremulus manum reges, homoeteleutum et causum das...
Tu magnopere amo.

(grammatically correct as far as my limited knowledge of Latin can tell)

Alan and USyd

2006-03-07T22:14:00.000+11:00

Alan is loving the University of Sydney very much. He loves all his subjects (except for stat1021 which he will certainly find easy but hate anyway). His lecturers are all ultra funky and have a sense of humour, especially his philosophy lecturer (Stewart Saunders) who could very well be an opium addict (nothing wrong with that, Coleridge was one too^^). Alan has also met many new people and made some lecture buddies. In summary, Alan is very happy at the moment and is hoping the euphoria lasts. May this love affair last until the sun ceases to shine (or until Alan finishes his degree, whichever happens first).

p.s. guess what Alan has been smoking? =P

Attention SHS Class of '05!

2006-02-25T23:40:00.000+11:00

Visit www.sefton.blue-source.net and make an account. This is the official forum for Sefton High Class of 2005. BOOKMARK IT!

The Yearbook Committee set it up so we can get your details and keep you updated about the publication/distribution of the yearbook. It's also used to keep in contact with other Seftoners.

IMPORTANT: Sign up with your real name and PASS THIS ON!

Untitled

2006-02-23T14:36:00.000+11:00

Anata ga warau ni shitai.

Junshin na kodomo wo omoidasaseru.

Anata no egao wo mitai.

Kodomo no warai wo omoidasaseru.

Kedo, ichibah daiji na koto wa, omae no te wo tsukamitai.

Anata wa hitori jyanai wo omoidasaseru.

Thanks to Mandy for helping me translate that into Japanese. Oh, and while I'm here, describe me!

A Stream of Consciousness Production

2006-02-17T09:55:00.000+11:00

Footprints, sand, beach, water, ocean, seagulls, birds, pigeons, morning, bread, chess, Russians, symphony, violin, cat, dog, garden, corner, earth, dirt, media, TV, rot, brain, squishy, pink, goopy, mop, broom, rake, garden, flowers, rose, Valentines Day, chocolate, when in doubt, brown, sweet, sweet like chocolate, love, like, hate, hatred, explanation, unintentional, mistakes, flaws, plans, floor, tiles, cool, mathematical, patterns, numbers, elegance, arts, poetry, Eliot, Prufrock, wasteland, teenagers, hormones, sex, condoms, hippies, abortion, freedom, nudity, beauty, nature, river, fish, eagles, hawks, American, canyon, waterfall, buildings, bright lights, Tokyo, anime, chicks, manga, mini-skirt, brown eyes, leather belt, whip, cattle, slaughterhouse, abattoir, scandal, bloom, elf, wizard, luminous, mystical, ethereal, ephemeral, ghost, leaves, autumn, summer, winter, snowflakes, infinity, white, cold, frozen, ice cream, fridge, cheese, milk, cow, horse, pig, chicken, dandelions, lions, pride, greed, gluttony, seven sins, four horsemen, apocalypse, Nostradamus, Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare, Macbeth, Scotland, haggis, bagpipe, whining, dying cats, midnight, twelve, child, innocent, guilty, plead, knees, kowtow, slavery, noose, electric chair, electricity, kites, ribbons, twirling, ballet, Swan Lake, swans, lakes, moon reflection, smiling, cheese, Wallace and Gromit, trousers, pants, shirt, striptease, full monty, minties, moments like these, Polaroid, Kodak, Fuji, mountain, Japan, sushi, wasabi, hot, spicy, clear nostrils, clear head, clarity, clear, glass, opaque, dirty windows, car wash, wet shirts, bikini, breast, milk, suckle, bottle, jar, jam, peanut butter, toast, toaster, microwave, hot soup, hot chocolate, coffee, caffeine, coke, red bull, wings, plane, plain, bad food, stale bread, salmon, wine, jugs, marketplace, shonky merchants, Venice, Italy, gondolas, romance, candlelight, gondolier, oar, stick, bat, racket, ball, green, fluffy, red, leather, armchair, psychologist, Freud, sex, Oedipus, tragedy, Greek, maths, science, explosions, fireworks, New Year’s Eve, New Year, babies, rattle, roll, rock, tumbleweed, western, gun fight, gun, good guy, bad guy, movies, cliché, Brokeback Mountain, gay, Samantha, Tchaikovsky, Pushkin, poetry, sakura, quivering, tears, crying, sadness, falling, swing, sand pit, sand, lollipop, chuppa chup, round, sweet, plums, nectarine, peach, and cream, ice cream, vanilla, Snow White, Cinderella, fairy tale, reality, distorted, dreams, nightmare, poverty, Penrith, panthers, jaguars, cars, Germany, tennis, soccer, ball, round, goal, posts, blog, internet, msn, e-love, email, display pic, philosophy, quotes, Latin, Spanish, burritos, tacos, Chihuahua, hotdog, midgets, purse, Paris Hilton, Hilton, hotels, room service, assassination, politics, debating, parliament, clowns, circus, elephants, tusks, ebony, ivory, piano, keys, doors, locks, brass, trumpets, parade, band, marching, army, warfare, death, life, birth, that bit in between, existential, nihilist, annihilation, destruction, Armageddon, self destruction, planets, planetary alignment, snooker, pool, eight-ball, eight, lucky, money, red, crimson, plague, blood, hospital, cross, crucifix, Jesus, Bible, brown, book, resurrection, human race, sanity, insanity, relativity, irrelevance, relevance, silly, joke, humour, unfunny, doomsday, cynic, Alan, 666, Satan, Hell, warm, moon, light, stars, dark, velvet, curtains, vampires, werewolves, wolves, wolf, Mozart, waltz, nutcracker, Christmas, red and green, stripes, candy cane, turkey, chook, cook, Australia, island, Hawaii, tropical, coconuts, nuts, peanuts, Snoopy, beagles, bagels, French, croissant, horns, bull, bullshit, English, stories, modern, pomo, pogo, games, hoops, Olympics, sports, athletes, records, world competition, draw, barrel, shotgun, pellets, ducks, Daffy, cartoons, Disney, Fantasia, wizards, staff, wands, wangs, crystal balls, orbs, frost, the snowman, snow woman, hats, beanies, gloves, carrots, vegies, tomatoes, potatoes, pomatoes, POM, cricket, ashes, phoenix, dragon, Chinese, oriental, junk, made in China, junk, Vietnam, piracy, pirates, pilates, yoga, old man, Indian, mountaintop, sunrise, sunset, fire, pyromancy, paper, cigarettes, bushfires, possums, wombats, wom, football, soccer, socks, drawer, artist, painter, brick wall, mortar, lead, bombs, Datsun, Nissan, skyline, city, Sydney, harbour, opera house, opera, concerto, cruise, water, flowing, rain, hail, shine, temperature, thermometer, unpredictable, guesses, dartboard, floorboard, tiles, inaccurate, sharp, pointy, holes, flight, tail, sonic, hedgehogs, porcupines, echidnas, fauna, flora, butter, margarine, olive, olive oil, cooking, foccacia, pastry, Desi, chef, whisk, eggs, Easter, cave, tuna, fish, deep sea, clownfish, Nemo, pelicans, Nigel thorns, prick, rose, painful, rose bush, petals, white, shrivelled, old, coffin, nail, final, screws, Kings Cross, monopoly, Mayfair, May, months, September, December, seasons, seasoning, chicken salt, salt, MSG, artery clogging, cardiac arrest, police, ambulance, five, boys, band, girls, Mars and Venus, planets, solar system, sun, universe, university, study, grass, allergy, mowing, rake, tool, stool, hurling, ice, hockey, European handball, basketball, orange, apples, pensioners, road kill, pedestrians, slow, time travel, distortion, truth, lies, meaning, language, forever, eternity, time, dinosaurs, clocks, watches, bike ride, bike, Cronulla, race riots, Macquarie Fields, Ryan, crazy, OC, Tony, violent, unstable, psychiatric, knives, weapons, Gangs of New York, Last Samurai, Scorsese, Spielberg, Munich, Jewish, Hitler, testicles, play, disaster, Titanic, ship, iceberg, drinking, final voyage, maiden voyage, maiden, tower, knight in shining armour, Lancelot, Camelot, Arthur, aardvarks, spelling bee, rapping, wrapping, surprise, expectations, lost, found, black and white, milk cartons, Pura, pure, angels, heaven Samantha, muse, music, soul, spirit, reincarnation, monks, bald, cockroaches, rocks, trees, dryads, dry, desert, drought, water restrictions, government propaganda, pathetique, pathetic, empathy, sympathy, empath, Alyssa Milano, Phoebe, moon, Jupiter, Io, foreign, alien, Martian, Mars Attacks, funny, country music, head explosion, fishbowl, fish, sushi, mouse, bubbles, mice bubbles, cats, purring, milk, spoilt, pansy, prissy, homosexual, dependent, independent, invasion, rebellion, civil war, civil, civic, Honda, sumo, Memoirs of a Geisha, Zhang Ziyi, Sayuri, Anzu, fan-fiction, fan-mail, fan-art, anime, Evangelion, Japanese, robots, Shinji, Asuka, rebirth, death, beginning, end, Matrix, Neo, neon, Trinity, three, mobile, library, books, knowledge, scholar, scholarship, bank, pressure, interest, tyres, bike, handlebars, brakes, break, shattered, dreams, Boulevard of Broken Dreams, Green Day, American Idiot, Jesus of Suburbia, Sims, Sim City, god, merciless, omniscient, all seeing, fortunes, future, by the way, threads, eye, tooth, cards, arachnid, spiders, webs, silk, Marco Polo, emperor, mandate, gay escort, escort, rally, Subaru, all wheel drive, drift, Initial D, Takumi, tofu, bunt, baseball, softball, soft, teddy bear, cushion, bed, sofa, sit, movie, move, inaction, stationary, train station, train, bus, bust, cards, poker, joker, smiling, suits, ties, Einstein, nuke, Hiroshima, Resident Evil, zombies, Telstra, rock music, guitars, serenade, Romeo and Juliet, parents, suicide, sepulchre, hall, candles, Elton John, Diana, Missouri, pen pal, pen, fountain, ink, black, blue, bruises, bleeding, cut, scissors, finger, sewing machine, stitches, hospital, injury, humorous, debating, donuts, Krispy Kreme, Mortal Kombat, Liu Kang, dragon, fatality, brutality, animality, swords, katana, Ian, lamb, barbecue, barbecue sauce, chicken nuggets, Maccas, fries, shake, rattle and roll, U2, Ireland, bogs, IRA, Heaney, tramps, priests, ditches, voyeur, porno, violent, adult, grow up, grow old, compulsory, optional, paradox, pair of dogs, oxymoron, military intelligence, WMD, WW3, wrestling, the Rock, feet, foot, inches, ruler, king, prince, Charles, big ears, Camilla, chamomile, tea, chrysanthemum, jasmine, Aladdin, lamp, genie, light bulb, light, day, night, same side of the moon, blue moon, perfect blue, stalker, stalk, trunk, tree, branch, twigs, broken bones, cast, actors, fake, plastic, botox, wrinkles, smileless, John Burgess, Fitzpatrick, mathematics, Sharp, pointy, sharks, teeth, crocodiles, wisdom, wise man, wise guy, tuition, fruition, shaved ice, cherry, frowning, chairman, Bill Gates, money, dollars, dollar religion, moneism, purple hippo, atheist, anthem, Charlotte, hornets, basketball, bulls, Chicago, Irish mob, mafia, toe cutting, strip club, Sopranos, opera, tenors, three, Pavarotti, fat, loud, over, game over, computer, impotent, UN, starvation, unanimous, gold, necessity, stream of consciousness, Joyce, Ulysses, Homer, Iliad, Simpsons, Bart, brat, cousins, bed jumping, 3 am, 4 o’clock knock, early, sunrise, new day, beautiful day, oil fields, tuna fields, ocean, Oceania, Asia, Pacific, Indian, Atlantic, Atlanta guard, shirt tails, plugs, power, abuse, Hitler, swastika, Buddhism, Buddha, self control, anger management, Adam Sandler, sandles, Troy, Trojan horse, gates, Helen, walls, fence, fencing, rapier, masks, gloves, gardening, fingerprints, unique, individuality, monotony, similarity, congruency, shapes, triangles, three, four, five, ninety nine, one hundred, century, Ponting, pointing, rude, fingers, toes, hands, slap, red, blushed, cherubs, diapers, arrows, parking, exit, stolen, congestion, traffic, drugs, Bali, Singapore, gallows, hangman, words, meaningless, frivolous, Lincoln, Saving Private Ryan, carp, fishing, boats, drowning, misery, designer, loops, rollercoaster, upside-down, shake well before use, instructions, not for cutting up small children, toddlers, ankles, knee, chocolate cake, mud, landslide, avalanche, skiing, snowboarding, goggles, Google, Yahoo, yippee, cowboy, Madeline, wax museum, mummies, Egypt, Isis, Anubis, pyramids, cubes, spheres, spears, javelins, pineapples, happiness, bottled, glass, pop, culture, commercial, shopping, speech, freedom of speech, idiocy, Mark Twain, Dickens, Oliver Twist, Jamie Oliver, scooter, British, queen, snoot, throne, boredom, corgies.

Valentine's Day '06

2006-02-15T10:29:00.000+11:00

Oh, Valentines Day, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways. I hate thee to thy very lack of depth for thou hath become but another commercial holiday. I hate thee for thy width, for thou hast consumed the world with feverish idiocy. But most of all, I despise thee for thou doth make me feel the emptiness of a starless night.

Well, maybe it wasn't quite so bad this year. Everyone was still buying into the commercial occassion but no overwhelming sense of suicide inducing loneliness. Spent the day with Samantha, who is absolutely wonderful and quirky and just... yay! Thanks for making it the first v-day I've enjoyed in a very long time. I owe you a better poem than the one coming later in this post.

Activities for the day = an hour wandering around Kinokuniya + mini-golf + lunch at the Japanese restaurant across the street from the entertainment centre (forgotten the name already ><) + Brokeback Mountain + ice cream at Darling Harbour (tiramisu! ^^). Anyway, the poem...

For Samantha, who brought my muse back to me.

Oh, to be a tear!
To see the light of autumn morn
Upon cloud-reflecting lake
As I lay in glistening eye;
To hear the whispers
Of drifting sakura and falling leaf
As I fall down cherub-blushed cheek;
To taste the rapture of summer's blood
As I die upon quivering lips.

Watch This Space

2006-02-11T23:46:00.000+11:00

Insane/cynical/existential/nihilistic post: coming soon to a blog near you.

Dating Profile

2006-01-16T21:27:00.000+11:00

The Boy Next Door
Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDm)

Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You're looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it's sweet.

We think the next three years will be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a horny side just waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If you've had some things not work out before, so what.

Your exact opposite:
The 5-Night Stand

Deliberate Brutal Sex Master

On paper, most girls would name the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however, you're often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You're the typical "nice guy:" without just a touch of cockiness, you're doomed with girls. A shoulder to cry on? Okay, sure. But never a penis to hold.

More than any other type, Boys Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love, but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering backrubs to kids and what not.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Nymph

CONSIDER: The Maid of Honor, The Peach

I'm uncertain if it's sadder that I did this silly thing or that I'm allegedly not manly. I'm so unmanly, I've done the full revolution and become Fabio. =P

So Much Time, So Few Things To Do...

2006-01-11T11:15:00.000+11:00

Something I borrowed from Cyd's blog.

NAME: Alan
BIRTHDAY: 23/09/87
WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? running out of things to be cynical about
DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS OR GLASSES? glasses
WHAT YOUR PERFECT MAN/WOMAN WOULD BE LIKE: a female version of me... but prettier
MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT? probably when my entire play went wrong because the light and sound guys at SHS can't follow simple instructions.
YOUR FUTURE KIDS' NAME: errrrr... something normal
BEST FRIEND: no time to discriminate, I hate everyone equally
YOU EVER HATED ANY PERSON IN YOUR FAMILY? various people at various stages

FAVOURITE...

ICE CREAM: English toffee
MEAT: mmmmmmmm... steak...
CANDY: it's all good except licorice (or however that's spelt)
BEVERAGE: chardonnay
MOVIE: The Notebook (yes, I am fully aware that it's a chick flick)
SHOW: Today Tonight because it's just so damn funny
JEWELLERY: do watches count?
SPORT: tennis, cricket, cycling, volleyball, soccer
NUMBER: 13
ANIMAL: ferrets
BRAND OF SHOES: *shrugs*
PERFUME/COLOGNE: most of them make me sneeze
SUBJECT: philosophy
GOING TO COLLEGE?: naturally
HOW DO YOU SEE YOURSELF 10 YEARS DOWN THE ROAD?: either still being cynical or in a coffin and six feet under.

HAVE YOU...

LOVED SOMEBODY SO MUCH IT MADE YOU CRY? not that i can remember
DRANK ALCOHOL? (see 'favourite drink')
DONE DRUGS? panadol
RUN AWAY FROM HOME? nope
BROKEN A BONE? everything's still intatc
CHEATED ON TEST? yup
SKINNY DIPPED? no
PLAYED STRIP POKER? unfortunately not.
PLAYED TRUTH OR DARE? no, it's a silly game
MOONED SOMEONE? maybe when I was 2 or 3 years old.
KISSED SOMEONE YOU DIDN'T KNOW? never been drunk enough to do something like that
BEEN IN A PHYSICAL FIGHT? at least once a week with my brother
RODE IN A POLICE CAR? I swear I didn't kill him!
BEEN ON A PLANE? many times
COME CLOSE TO DYING? death happens to be a good friend of mine

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT...

COUNTRY MUSIC? *assumes foetal position*
CLASSICAL? good in small doses
OLDIES? love some, indifferent towards others
THE PERSON THAT SENT THIS TO YOU? I borrowed this from Cyd's blog

WHAT IS...

YOUR GOOD LUCK CHARM? pessimism and cynicism
THE WORST SONG U EVER HEARD? that bloody 'Milkshake' crap
MOST EMBARRASSING TAPE/ C.D IN YOUR COLLECTION? too many to count
YOUR BEDROOM LIKE? tidy until you have a look under my bed
YOUR SECRET CRUSH? nobody at the moment
YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSIONS? my friends (I'm going to have you all stuffed and put on display when you die)

ARE YOU A....

VEGETARIAN? I love vegetables too much to eat them often
GOOD STUDENT? only when want to learn
GOOD AT SPORTS? I'm alright at most sports
DEEPSLEEPER? *yawns* where did all those soldiers come from?
STORYTELLER? when there is an interesting story to be told

HAVE YOU EVER HAD...

CHICKENPOX? yes
SORE THROAT? every second week
BLOODY NOSE? I'm easily excited
CANCER? I sure hope not
SURGERY? I split my head open when I was 5 and had to get that stitched up
SOMEONE BESIDES YOUR FAMILY SAY THEY LOVE YOU? *nods enthusiastically*
SOMEONE PUNCH YOU? every single year on September 23

ENJOY PARKS? if the weather is right
LIKE PICNICS? depends who with
ENJOY SHOPPING? not particularly

WOULD YOU...

EAT A LIVE HAMSTER FOR A MILLION? a million what? dollars? donuts? more hampsters?
GO TO A HANSON CONCERT IF YOU HAD A FREE TICKET? depends if I have any rotten vegetables in the fridge
GET ANYTHING PIERCED? no

IF...

YOUR HOUSE WAS ON FIRE, WHAT TWO THINGS WOULD YOU TAKE FROM YOUR ROOM? my phone and MP3 player
SOMEONE OFFERED YOU A SMALL PART IN A MOVIE WOULD YOU ACCEPT? wouldn't hurt
WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES AND THEIR ORIGIN: Alaine (courtesy of Jeffery), Dodo Number 2 (because Stephen is Dodo Number 1) and Mr. Cynic (self explanatory)

<<~ wakarimasen! ~>>

Quick!

Give me coffee. Or the protagonist dies.

The Miracle of Fountain Pens

Point and laugh, children

Introducing my family

I grow old, I grow old...

And the words...

Hell Yes!

After the Taking of a Toast and Tea

Arguments in favour of abortion

Punk is not ded!

Let us do battle...

The price of love

From the vault

Autumn

Ten Things I Hate About World Youth Day

Why do I disturb the universe?

Massive Attack - Protection

Reasons

The Rant Post

Oh joy...

Daydreaming

To be or not to be...

It looks so much worse on film...

2008 Ain't Got Nothin' On Me

The Return of the Muse

wtf r u lol-ing abt u rtard?

Yes, I am very bored...

Chapter 1: Of the Battle with Dracula, the Lord of Darkness

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most

Fence Pales and Collatareal Damage

A Dream Within A Dream

Here we go again...

Smiling Like An Idiot

It's been a while...

Happiness is...

Best Part Of The Day

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah

Things to try before the year dies

Semester One Results

They say that...

Rinoa's Monologue

Just. One.

Not Quite Right

I'm Worried...

Ouch! My Head!

NZ won't allow '4real' as child's name

Mind Games: the art of passing exams without studying

Note To Self

Vienna Teng - Recessional

A Novel Theory On America's Economic Power

Ten

I Need To Start My Own Organisation

No Such Thing

World Gone Mad(der)

World Gone Mad

When?

Questions

And So It Begins...

A Thoughtful Conversation...

So...

Pedestrians Beware!

It is impossible...

Avoiding The Inevitable Question...

How Many People Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?

Farewell

Obligations

NaNo 2006: Mission Accomplished!

Untitled Poem

Stars - Sleep Tonight

Life of Gustaf

NaNoWriMo Eve

Another 'First' for 2006

NaNoWriMo

Happy 118th Eliot!

"Poetry...

"You'll go to Hell"

I have had enough of these motherf*ckin' snakes on this motherf*ckin' plane...

(Un)funny

I have had enough of these motherfckin' snakes on this motherfckin' plane...

Yawns Scratches Belly